


your gray eyes

by paintmelilacs



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Fortune Telling, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Hurt, Internalized Homophobia, Jason is an ass, Love Confessions, Lowercase, M/M, Unrequited Love, but also lighthearted, but so is leo, calypso immediately knows whts going on, eh not rlly, lmao lets make THAT a tag, lmao piper said “with the power of friendship—“, sorta soulmates. your eyes change color to match your emotions, very angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 37,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23995456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintmelilacs/pseuds/paintmelilacs
Summary: i never knew i was watching you fallnow i am gone,and your gray eyes did it allyou let me see but i am much too late,who knew it was love when all i saw was hate?**or**leo loves jason, and he hates that he does. it takes jason a while to realize that.
Relationships: Jason Grace & Piper McLean & Leo Valdez, Jason Grace/Leo Valdez, Past Jason Grace/Piper McLean - Relationship
Comments: 15
Kudos: 66





	1. im sorry about what happened in november

**Author's Note:**

> yes, this is an extension off “your gray eyes” posted on my prompt fic (tomato sauce, dont judge the name ill eat you).
> 
> not the biggest fan of valgrace, but out of canon, one sided, or short term it works wayyy better. why dont people write short term relationships? where they break up at the end? that would be such a fucking fun arc to write, someone put that on my to-do list
> 
> welcome to me, a dialogue writer, struggling to convey feelings and emotions for an extended amount of time :’)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> homecoming dances and roof talks, the year’s approaching end. 
> 
> ....and leo still hasn’t found a way to get over jason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you read the original, read this too since it has added scenes, was edited more, and is a refresher for the chapters to come !
> 
> this will be 3 chapters, and i aim for them to come out pretty close to eachother, so keep checking in.
> 
> final note: this is written in lowercase (i rlly like things written in lowercase okay 🥺🥺) and that may not be your thing, but i promise your brain will adjust just give it a lil minute pwease
> 
> okie thats it 🖤🖤  
> warnings: underage things, (?? theres nothing explicit)

leo’s eyes are gray.

or they are for the time being, not like they ever deviated from that color too long anyways. in leo’s eyes, gray meant sadness— literally. droning, mindless, sadness. and the sadness never left his eyes for long before it came back. leo thinks it quite ugly that his eyes are so often devoid of a color.

while not everyone had the same meanings for the same colors, a lot of them had the obvious ones down. for most of the population; blue was sad, happy was yellow, and red was love. 

leo valdez was not most people. 

the color of your irises and their correlating meanings are called your _“_ cone spectrum _”,_ and his was abnormal from birth. sad was gray, happy was orange, love was pink, fear was dark blue....

these are not the meanings he told everyone they correlate to, of course. 

in a world where everyone’s emotions are on constant display, you tend to learn a trick or two to hide it. a ccording to the world, leo valdez’s cone spectrum was as follows; brown is normal, gray is at ease, green is sad, happy is orange, yellow is excitement, annoyance is blue, hate is pink and love is black.

it’s for protection of course. he can’t go around with sad gray eyes for weeks, instead they represent “normal”, and in turn green was sad, when really it meant he was at ease. leo confused even himself with the colors when he first started masking them, but after years it was nothing harder than counting on your fingers. 

you can’t hide them forever though. 

people are going to start to notice things when you’re dog dies and your eyes read as “at ease”, so he has to pretend. pretend to be happy, pretend to be sad, pretend to love when actually he hates. it’s a hefty price for protection.

its not like he even usually feels emotions as strong as hate or love....but there was one time during lunch in eighth grade where he had been staring at his best friend jason with pink eyes. he had spaced out, thinking about how nice his friend looked in his soccer uniform. turns out he had been doing this while holding the same stale cheese stick for ten minutes, which confused piper.

“hey, leo, what does pink mean for you again?” she had asked.

he remembers feeling like every eye at the table was on him, stares drilling into his head, when realistically it couldn’t have been more than two or three.

he dropped the cold cheese stick back onto his tray. “hate.” 

“what? so you _hate_ jason?”

he thought quick, “he didn’t give me the homework answers last period. sorry, my cones are sensitive.”

she had believed it, laughing about how unusual his spectrum was. _black meaning love,_ how silly. he must be in the one percent. 

leo had been desperately in love with his best friend since that year, pretending each day to hate little pieces of him, when really, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

jason was all hearty laughs and supportive words, like the mother figure he never had. he stood tall and muscular—nothing like leo, who was weak even in his later teenage years. 

_it could be worse though,_ he thinks. back in middle school all you had to was blow in his general direction to knock leo down. he was built like a fucking dandelion.

and for someone who’s relationships are built on a foundation of jokes and mean banter, jason is an obvious outlier. he’s different than piper. he supports leo, _actually_ supports him. he gives compliments on the daily, encouraging people to “ _believe in themselves”_ and all that disney cut-to-commercial _bullshit_. 

he’s still in love, leo thinks. 

he stares up at sky. _(oh god, i’m still in love with him, aren’t i?)_

said boy nudges leo, “we should get down before school starts. i don’t want to get in trouble.”

oh yeah, he forgot to mention— _jason is a fucking goody two shoes._

they’re on the school roof—one of leo’s _favorite_ places to be—before class starts. the roof is dark gray, flat and gritty; it scraped your palms and provided little shelter from the sun. in spite of all that, it was leo’s favorite place to skip class, and he rarely got caught. it took weeks of unnoticed roof visits for jason to go along with him, and even then he was still cautious.

“and what if i just lay here and bake for a couple periods, huh?” he blinked up at jason with indignation, who frowned.

he doesn’t answer his question, but, then again it wasn’t meant to be answered. jason twists his face up, like a pretzel. leo’s thinking too much about food. when was the last time he ate....

“pink again,” jason scoffs, “why do you hate me so much?”

“maybe because you interrupt my roof time.”

throwing his hands up, jason scoffs. “then _why_ do you invite me?”

leo pats jason’s arm to placate him the way you would a toddler. _damn._ even his forearm is a little muscle-y.

“ _shh_ , calm down dummy. my cone spectrum is just a little weird, you know that. my eyes show hate all the  time—one time a dorito _stabbed_ the roof of my mouth and it showed hate.”

jason sighs and looks stubbornly at the sky, resting his weight on his palms where there would surely be grit marks when he got up. “yeah, i know. i just wish it wasn’t directed at me all the time...”

leo wishes it wasn’t either, but not in the way jason did. he wishes he could stop crushing on jason, but furthers from that goal each year. this sorely reminds leo that this is his senior year, and he’s wasting it on someone who will never like him back. _(when will it stop?)_

the teen scratches the back of his neck. jason’s eyes are blue now, which means normal for him. leo’s had gone back to familiar gray.

“it’s not your fault, i know that....you want to walk with me to first period?” he gets up and offers leo a hand, which he ignores.

“i don’t why you ask, my answer is always no.”

jason walks away, like always. “me either.”

* * *

it’s the dinner after homecoming when leo thinks piper knows something.

homecoming was alright; dj in the back, food by the front, and girls twerking all around. school dances are usually only fun for about twenty minutes, then you get bored and leave. at least, that’s what his group decided to do.

they’re at denny’s, ordering pancakes at midnight despite the dirty looks the servers were not being payed enough to stifle. leo doesn’t blame them. he would be pretty miserable too if he had to serve pancakes to dumb teenagers every night.

she won’t stop giving him weird looks, which probably means his eyes are flickering pink again. leo tries to play it off as if he just _really_ hates pancake syrup.

after a few moments of staring at the syrup bottle really hard, trying to sell the illusion it _wasn’t_ jason in a black suit that was making his eyes all switchy, leo realizes its not working as piper gives him a sympathetic look. still dressed in his cheap little tuxedo, leo searches around the denny’s for an escape. 

he scooted himself past hazel and out of the booth, dragging himself into the men’s bathroom, a place where piper couldn’t follow.

unfortunately, it wasn’t piper he had to ward off—jason quietly stepped in after him. he figures the restroom ploy wouldn’t have worked on her anyways; piper would have barged into the men’s restroom on any given day, not giving the wall of urinals a second glance. 

jason’s tie was supposed to match his eyes tonight, light blue for happy. right now it was orange, his color of annoyance. _he needs to change his mood right now,_ leo thinks, _it clashes heavily with his outfit._

“whats up with you? your emotions have been flickering all night....did  you hate the dance that much?”

“no, it’s not that. i just have...other stuff, on my mind.” leo crosses his arms and tries desperately to act disinterested. his eyes flicker from gray to blue, sad to annoyed. 

“oh. i get it i guess...i’m always here to help if you need me. you’re my best friend, leo.”

_“friend”—_ the word was starting to haunt him these days. l eo hates the word “friend”, it had no business sounding like that, especially coming from jason’s mouth. 

jason bites his lip as if he’s thinking about saying something, but doesn’t. he strides across the bathroom on long legs and wraps the other in a big hug. awkwardly, leo stands there with his arms straight out before slowly patting him on the back, fingers barely grazing the expensive material of his suit. 

in the stall behind him, someone ripped a massive shit, ruining their hallmark moment. they hurry out of the bathroom, exploding into laughter once the doors close. honestly, what else were they expecting inside a denny’s restroom?

piper gives them a weird look when they trail out, trying and failing to stifle laughs, and slowly goes back to eating her pancake, suspicion dawning in her eyes.

* * *

leo’s palms were sweaty and he wipes them on the grass, butterflies working their way up his stomach. he feels in danger, senses on high alert, like he’s resting on a knife’s edge—leo can’t help but think how unfair that is.

“—anyways, that’s who i think i would kiss.”

“really? katy from third period? come on jason, you gotta have some taste when it comes to this.” piper chastised him, she starts braiding pieces of grass together. the grass isn’t long enough, the braid falls apart in her hands.

listening to jason describing who he would kiss made leo feel sick to his stomach. it was a girl, reassuring leo that jason was and still is as straight as a ruler.

jason makes a face at her. “yeah, like yours was any better.”

she jolts up into a sitting position. “are you serious? cameron is _totally_ better than katy. first of all, her lips are always crusty. girl needs some _chap—stick_.” she enunciated both words separately, hitting her leg with the beat to drive her point. “and second, she’s flatter than a goddamn _pancake.”_

they start bickering over it again and leo spaces out, staring at the volleyball game going on down the court. both teams sucked, but the team on the north-facing court always won, because the other had the sun in their eyes.

if leo was a girl, then would jason like him? is that really all it took? well shit, slap some boobs onto leo and he’s all set. 

he hopes jason doesn’t get a girlfriend anytime soon, because leo doesn’t think he could stand to be around them. the last time jason had a relationship it lasted one month, and leo had wanted to tear his eyes out the whole time. he remembers catching them making out one time, it was....and ungodly sight. jason was practically eating her face, and she had her tongue smooshed down his throat. he had confided in piper about this horrific and traumatizing experience and the next day she demanded jason get kissing lessons. 

the girl was nothing but a phase though, and they had broken up.

leo wishes jason had been a phase.

he’s struck out of his thoughts right as someone strikes the volleyball. “leo, who would you kiss out of the whole school?”

the butterflies all simultaneously swoop down to the pits of his stomach, and for a second he panics, and his heart skips. _jason._

the moment passed. “i don’t know. maybe mandy.”

“seriously?!” piper and jason exclaim at the same time. 

jason shakes his head in dissapointment, piper looks like she’s preparing a thesis in her head. “why _mandy?_ ” she asks incredulously, pulling handfuls of grass and throwing them up for emphasis.

“i dunno,” leo shrugs, “she has a nice ass?”

shoving a hand in her her hair, piper fiddles with one of the braids and rolls her eyes. “yeah, but that’s, like, her only quality. she’s dumb as a rock. pick someone else.”

leo literally doesn’t fucking care. 

“i don’t like anyone from school. everyone here nasty.”

“well, you’re not wrong.” piper says, hugging her knees. she fans her gym shirt, he can see sweat stains peaking out from her armpits. “ _damn it’s fucking hot out here._ ugh _,_ just give me your type then, i’ll find you some hot chic in no time.”

leo thinks for a minute. “uh, someone tall, i think. but....maybe not, i kinda need a growth spurt for that to happen. longish hair. someone who isn’t built weird. i don’t want to date somebody who look like gru.”

piper snorts. “what else? besides not  gru-ish. like...what texture is their hair? what clothes do they where?”

piper’s frequent use of _“they”_ catches his attention. leo phrases his words carefully. “she could have any hair really, but i don’t know, i like box braids,” he has to physically restrain himself from glancing at jason, “but blondes are cute sometimes too. regular clothes? tight jeans, t-shirts....glasses maybe.”

“you’re boring.” she says. 

piper didn’t seem done with her little game yet, though jason lost interest a while ago, he looked like he was itching to get up. piper was actively trying not to bite her lip, she seemed like she had wanted to draw out a different answer from leo.

in that moment, coach hedge must have looked in their direction a little too long, cause they were being yelled at.

“ _VALDEZ! GRACE! MCCLEAN!_ NO SITTING DOWN, YOU KNOW THE RULES! UP! _UP!”_

leo let out a massive groan and got up slowly, dragging piper miserably with him. on the other hand, jason had bolted to his feet right away, and was already actively apologizing to hedge. leo wants to slap him.

piper either forgets what was on her mind or lets it go—leaving leo feeling like he dodged a bullet.

* * *

halloween was always a bit underrated if you ask leo.

as a kid, christmas and easter couldn’t be his favorite holiday because his family wasn’t too religious. easter was nothing more than a few sweets, and you had to have actual financial stability to afford the luxuries of an american christmas. 

but halloween? now _that_ was a holiday. 

one night a year to dress up as anything you dreamt of, and then go out and collect as much candy as possible, filling up pillowcases into the early hours of the morning just to go trade your candies with all the other neighborhood kids when the sun creeps over the sky again. it was like a sport to little leo. 

the candy had long ago lost it’s thrill, and costumes weren’t month-long projects anymore, but halloween remained leo’s favorite holiday. 

now the night was full of partying, getting drunk off cheap alcohol, and slutty costumes; a tradeoff older leo was more than willing to accept.

this year he was fighting the stereotype that girls should wear slutty costumes on halloween night. _how_ is he doing this you ask?

_by dressing up even sluttier than them._

now _,_ both girls _and_ boys get to be whores on halloween. _one hurrah for social justice!_

he was going as a sexy nurse. the costume was something piper and nico had convinced him to order the week prior; it was three pieces, consisting of a white skirt with red trim, a matching buttoned white top, and a hat. it was all form fitting and sleek, but the material was clearly cheap and probably wouldn’t last more than two washes.

it looked like a bad idea, which was perfect for leo.

leo nearly laughed at his reflection. he hadn’t cut his hair since summer and from the back he almost passed as a girl; curls reaching down just past the nape of his neck. the front side, not so much. he lacks the boobs to fill out the top, leaving the fabric to be loose on his chest, and his figure is still too stick-like to pass as a chic.

he looks ridiculous—it’s perfect.

“ _piper!_ i’m done!” 

the bathroom door swung open and she assessed him, eyes scanning him up and down before narrowing.

“what?” he snapped, putting hands on his hips.

“it’s not slutty enough. hold on....” she leaves the door open and digs through her closet before throwing him something black. “try those.”

it takes him a moment to realize they’re fishnets and he snorts before covering his mouth. why does piper even have these? you know what, he doesn’t want to know. adding them to his outfit, leo saunters out and is met with cat calls and whistles from his best friend. 

“y _es!_ t _hat’s_ what i’m talking about! _sluts unite!”_ she fist bumps him, eyes yellow, her happy color. 

jason picks them up, throwing some whistles and jeers at leo’s outfit. originally, piper had stolen red heels from her sister’s wardrobe for him to wear, but he left them behind without telling her and changed them out for old vans; he can be bad bitch for the night and still be confortable, okay?

the party was typical—teenagers drinking shitty beer and acting drunker than they were. leo liked to skip the beer part altogether, and not because he didn’t drink, he just preferred vodka.

why waste time and fill your stomach with gross beer when you can get the same effect with just a few shots? 

a few shots turned into several and now leo was thoroughly drunk. he held his liquor well though, and he was one of those funny but existencial drunks, so there was no worry about anger-ridden outlashes or sloppy confessions, thank god. 

leo had lost piper long ago and jason didn’t stay, there didn’t seem to be any kids from their high school, to his relief. he’s leaning over the counter when he feels a tap on his shoulder, leo turns around to see a white boy, tall-ish and skinny, with blue eyes. 

“hey, was wondering if you could show me where the doctor’s office is?” the boy said, lifting his eyebrows.

he was clearly just as drunk as leo, if not more, and spitting out the best pick-up line his intoxicated brain could come up with. as much as it was dorky, it was endearing (and a little cute even) that he had thought of something creative to say to him, and leo feels weirdly flattered he was approached. this wasn’t in his plans for tonight.

smiling cheekily at him, leo tells himself that it was _not_ the blonde hair and sapphire eyes that attracted him. _this is not jason._

still, it felt like he’s dragged a walmart copy of him over to the corner to make out. they were originally going to try for the bathroom, but some girl had beat them to it and started puking into the toilet.

leo was concerned with looking gay at the party, but they were secluded enough, and no one he knew was there. plus, leo pretty much looked like a chick, especially from behind. it was convincing enough that, with the addition of alcohol, he’s not sure the guy he was making out with knew he was boy. speaking of, the man clearly had experience beyond whatever face-mashing highschoolers did in their spare time, leo wonders just how old he is....

he beats him to the punch and draws back from leo’s mouth, a light trail of spit following him. _(gross)_

he breathes heavily. “wait _,_ shit _,_ how old are you?”

“mmn, does it really matter?” he’s met with a slightly annoyed nod. leo doesn’t want to answer this, so he flips the question. “how about _you_ tell _me_ first?” he proposed cheekily.

the dude looks down at leo and mentally runs a couple options through his head. “....i’m twenty, but i just turned it last week.”

it sounded honest enough. he nods.

“seventeen.” leo says, running a hand down his shoulder. _eighteen in a few months,_ but leo didn’t find any need to say it.

the man sighs in relief and it smells like whiskey. “oh man, you look younger than you are. seventeen?” his answer was slightly questionable considering it meant he thought leo was _even younger_ than seventeen before, but they’re both drunk and who cares, right?

leo shrugged, “i won’t tell if you won’t.”

that was good enough for both of them, he goes back to sucking leo’ s neck and poking fingers through the holes of his fishnets.

what leo _didn’t_ notice in his drunken stuporwas piper’s keenly watching eyes across the room. shaken, she watched her best friend of _years_ make out with some random _man_ at a house party, fully engaged with his lips. not believing what she saw, she crept to get a closer look. piper peered from behind a wall and faintly heard them talking about something, though she was too far away to catch any of the words. she caught a glimpse of leo’s eyes as he looked around before turning back to the blond.

they were pink—confirming the suspicions she had been harboring since eight grade. she stumbled into the kitchen, piper needed another shot.

* * *

“it’s been like two hours and you still haven’t said happy birthday to me yet.” jason accused.

“i dont know what your talking about.” leo said matter-o-factly. but he does, and jason knows it. leo  always avoids saying happy birthday to anyone on their birthday as long as possible, it’s tradition at this point. he doesn’t know why he started doing this, or when, but either way his brain associated the phrase with bad feelings so he now _has_ to avoid it. 

jason put his hands on hips and stares leo down. sure, it was cute the _first_ time he did it, but now? at _eighteen?_ jason is getting his _“_ happy birthday _” godammit._

leo lamely put his hands up in surrender. “fine, _fine_. you caught me,” he pinched jason lightly on his arm, “ _happy birthday, loser.”_

“you’re really heartwarming, you know that? just a really a kind human being through and through.”

leo grinned up at him. “you love me.” he says, and jason doesn’t deny it. he rolls his eyes and stifles a smile, though leo can see the corners of his lips perk up.

leo always thought jason’s birthday was too boring of a date. _november fourth_ —it was too normal for jason, too plain. but, if jason’s birth is the only greater meaning november fourth ever sees, leo’s glad it’s a good one.

jason was never the kind of kid to have big, extravagant birthday parties, most of the time they were extra small, only consisting of a few friends and close family members. they would gather for a few hours, stab a cande into a cake from the grocery store, and call it a night. 

this year was a slight exception with the fact jason had invited a good _fourteen_ people, mostly from school, who milled about his house, drinking soda and exchanging stories. it was his eighteenth after all.

....hey, it’s jason’s _eighteenth._

leo pats jason’s shoulder and he turns around, quirking a brow at him. “hey wait a minute, this is your eighteenth— _whyyy_ am i not surrounded by big stripper titties right now?”

jason chokes on a laugh and his face flushes, but only slightly. he used to blush a lot more, but years of leo and piper’s slightly inhumane jokes and scandalous remarks had worn him down like a river stone.

“because im not you,” he laughs, “ _and,_ i don’t want to have that awkward conversation with my parents if they catch me coming back. but hey, on your eighteenth i _promise_ i’ll find a way to sneak out so you can go see big stripper titties, if you want.”

“jason grace? _sneaking out?_ ” leo snorts, “only in my dreams. besides, promised the one who cried the first time he got detention—“

“hey! don’t bring that up!” jason wags a finger,but a smile escapes and makes it’s way onto his face when orange overtakes leo’s eyes. he looks proud to have made them that way. “not allowed on my birthday. _not. allowed.”_

“whatever.” he smiles.

leo wanders around jason’s house. it’s a place he sees fairly often, at first eighth-grade-jason wouldn’t let anyone come to his house because he was embarrassed of his mom, but piper and he dissolved that down quickly; their methods consisted of pestering jason for days about it and failing to inconspicuously follow him home after school, until he finally broke and let them in. his mom wasn’t even that bad, beryl grace was cool, except that some nights she had a little too much to drink.

he has a lot of memories here. leo can match stories to the stains on the carpet.

....he wonders if they’ll go on like this forever. jason, piper and him, ocassionally a few others, hanging out and going places, being friends. school is going to end, that’s a fact. will they stay together after it all ends? everyone always say they’ll keep in touch, but shit comes up, and the next thing you know it’s been five years. a decade. longer.

leo’s not sure if he even wants that. that’d mean he would have to see jason go through multiple girlfriends, eventually finding one, _marrying her—_

the thought of having to go to jason’s wedding makes him nauseous. 

and then, after about a year, they’ll start questioning why doesn’t _leo_ have a girlfriend and then after two they’ll start setting him up but _eventually they’ll realize and—_

leo definetly doesn’t want that. he feels like he’s going to throw up. 

and, _holy fuck_ , jason’s an _adult_ now. 

a full-fledged, ready to pay taxes, goddamn _adult._

yeah, it was jason’s ‘big eighteen’ today. and leo wishes with all his heart it wasn’t.

* * *

jason and leo were back on the school roof again. i t’s only mid-november, but the wind carried more than a chill with it,  promises of a deadly winter tinged it’s gusts. nothing will keep leo off that roof though, and annoyingly, nothing will keep jason from following him up it.

“i t’s so cold up here. you sure you don’t want a hoodie or something? i’ve got an extra in my bag.”

leo hummed and averted his eyes from Jason, forcing down his feelings like he was swallowing grape medicine. leo _knows_ he has an extra in his bag, he started carrying one last year when  some girl stole piper’s clothes at gym, and hadn’t stopped bringing it since. he remembers going with piper to rough up that same girl after school, and how they pledged to each other to never tell jason , too afraid he would snitch. the memory feels sore, like an old scar. 

he takes the hoodie and shrugs it on. it’s big and red and warm and _so jason—_ it’s perfect.  sure, the sleeves flop over his hands a little, but he counts that as extra warmth.

“ _pssh_. you look comfy.” jason comments, causing leo’s head to turn.

drawing back from that same causality as before, jason’s eyebrows scrunch at him and his lips draw back in distaste. leo knows his eyes are pink again. 

“i think i’m starting to hate the color pink. how was there anything you didn’t like just now? i don’t get it!”

leo just turns his head and pulls up his knees. the sky is cloudy today he noticed, gray clouds smeared thickly across the sky, leaving no trace crystal blue or sunshine to peek through. _(no wonder it’s so cold.)_

“you’re just annoying.” he said, lies tumbling from his mouth all too naturally. 

“i _seriously_ don’t get you.” jason scoffs.

leo wants to tell him that it’s okay, it’s his own fault. it’s all ever leo’s fault and he’s so, _so_ _sorry_. but no one can ever know he likes boys, much less like jason grace. they would look at him weird, he would no longer be gray-eyed loudmouth leo valdez; he would be leo, the boy who likes boys. 

if that happened leo thinks he might....fall.

jason, in a flash of frustration, reaches out and turns leo’s face towards his. 

“leo, like it or not, you’re my _best friend._ i don’t understand why you hate me like—like _this_. sure, it may be flickers, but they’re only around me. we’ve known each other for years and—i—“ his voice chokes up, “i’m sorry but i’m _nothing_ but nice to you!” 

as he says that, leo’s irises are still pink, a light, blushy color. his eyes are faded rose petals, and jason hates it.

“still pink,” he sighs, “you hate me.”

leo scoffed. “jason, i don’t _hate_ you—“

“then why do your eyes betray you then! you’re cones can’t be _that_ fucked up! i’m trying to get it through your thick skull that i’m your friend, for _years_ , but I still get _pink!”_ he yells, which is notable because _jason never yells_ , and it sets leo’s mouth into a firm line. for a moment, he regrets ever falling in love with the ignorant prick.

_a flicker,_ that’s what jason sees. for a second, leo’s eyes flick to pitch black, then back to pink. it’s a color he’s never seen in leo’s eyes before—and to his knowledge—it meant _love._

“ _black!_ I saw _black!_ _gah_ , i knew you loved me somewhere deep inside there! _c’mere!”_

he grabs the boy into a hug, grinning like a madman— jason’s eyes were bright, light blue. he ruffled leo’s curls and the boy seethed.

“i don’t love you.” leo says, pressing meaning into the words.

jason laughs him off, there’s so much relief on his face it physically angers him.

_“you love me! you love me!”_ jason laughs in a sing song-y voice, smiling as leo glares at him all black eyes. they looked like deep pits of ink.

“get the fuck away from me.” it’s said with so much grit jason falters. 

leo pushes him away and stands up, hopping over the rails on the rooftop and climbing down to the hallways a few feet below them.

he doesn’t talk to jason for the rest of the week.

* * *

_(“jason, why do we need to be in the storage closet for this discussion?”_

_“because leo can never hear this. never ever.”_

_“ugh, spit it out. i have to get to culinary next, and we’re baking muffins today.”_

_“do you think...he hates me?”_

_“....”_

_“i-i mean, his eyes always go pinkish when i’m around him. a_ _nd he’s so cold....you need to help me, i’m not sure what i did.”_

_“jason, i think you know leo’s cone spectrum is a little fucked up, but isn’t it weird how little we see him with green eyes? sad?”_

_“yeah, but....”_

_“even when we watched the titanic in english and he cried at the end, his eyes were gray.”_

_“....”_

_“leo lies about his cone spectrum.”_

_“does that mean...”_

_“pink irises don’t mean hate, jason. they mean love.”)_

* * *

it’s getting too cold to be on the school roof now, l eo supposes. he’s still wearing jason’s red hoodie,  because its the warmest clothing he has, but everyone knows that’s a lie. leo has other sweaters of his own, but they dont swallow him the way jason’s does. they don’t smell like him; sweet cologne and evergreen breath mints. 

briefly, he wonders what he’s going to do when he’s out of school, with no more roof to hang out on. he’ll get a taste of that over winter break, but the school closure might not be enough to keep him from breaking in. the roof was his closest thing to home, and he doesn’t ever have anything better to do anyways.

leo’s eyes are cold gray, the color of stones and concrete, or stormy skies and old photographs.

he found himself on the edge of roof now, dangling his feet over the long steep drop. 

leo wonders what it would be like to fall down. it would hurt, sure, but would it be worth it to catch that moment of free fall? 

probably not. and he probably wouldn’t die if he fell anyway. not that leo had intentions of jumping, it’s just those casual thoughts of the great unknown that plague him in these moments. would anyone even find him by today? or would he remain, a crumpled heap on the ground, until the next. 

leo finds that when he looks into his future he doesn’t see anything, not even a plan for tomorrow, much less college or a job. graduation is the only thing marked on his calendar. he’s wasting away time now, doing constant upkeep on his emotions, picking them up over and over again, and for _what?_ after school is over and done for good, there won’t be a reason to pretend anymore. he _could_ leave without a word, pack up and move to a different city, never talk to anyone from here again—but would that make him happy?

leo’s not happy, and he’s not sure if he’s willing to put in the effort to get there. sometimes, it feels easier if he were to just.... _fall._

he hears a voice call out behind him.

“hey.”

It’s jason, leo knows that, his voice is something he’ll never be able to erase. but he turns around anyway, and stares him down with his cold, steely eyes. 

jason looks anxious, and his eyes portray it—green irises were his color of nervousness.

“hey.” leo croaks out, his voice sounded rusty. he hadn’t spoken in a while.

the the thumps on the uneven ground can be felt as Jason walks and sits down beside him, hand resting on his knee. 

he says something strange. “i ’m sorry about what happened in november. i didn’t know.”

leo knows what he’s talking about, leo had just thought jason forgot. he pulls the sleeves of the old hoodie down farther, slightly embarrassed now that he hadn’t given it back.

“that happened so long ago.”

“i know, but you haven’t talked to me the same since.”

“oh.” leo stopped swinging his feet over the edge, “....didn’t know what?” he asked slowly and cautiously, trying not to tread on snakes.

“you, _um_ ,” jason sucks in a breath and looks away from him, “you hide your cones. piper told me.”

leo can feel the goosebumps rise on his skin and his throat tighten, like he was being constricted. he just needed to go one year more, and they would never have known...he could have disappeared....

“ _oh_. so you....”

“black means hate, and pink means....love.” he said, trying out the words. it had taken jason weeks to build the courage to approach his friend on this. up until then he had observed leo from afar, seen how his favorite candies made his eyes flash to orange, but only briefly, and in the rare times his eyes weren’t gray, when he hung out with piper, the orange had a pinkish hue to it. 

“all those times i thought you hated me....it was really love. and i’m sorry, that i didn’t understand. you were my best friend all along, and i—i doubted that.”

_ (he still doesn’t get it....) _

he says be does, but jason still doesn’t understand. leo’s love wasn’t platonic. it never was. theres a sliver of hope in his body that said, maybe, he had liked him too. 

“it’s not just that.” leo said. he turned to his best friend and shakily placed a hand on his cheek, rosy from the cold, and uttered a quick warning. “i’m going to do something.”

leo placed a slow kiss on his lips, barely touching. it was like kissing a stone wall, because jason hadn’t moved. instead, he gently pushed leo’s hand off his face and back to the ground, where it remained. he couldn’t meet the blond’s eyes.

his heart throbbed so much he couldn’t speak, much less _look_ at him, and _oh fuck_ _leo might be having an actual goddamn heart attack._ but in that instant he saw jason’s eyes flick to red, his color of love, if only for a second. or maybe, he imagined it.

he doesn’t say anything, but leo can see his jaw tighten. leo expected anything but the reaction he got—for months, no— _years_ , he played out this situation in his head: jason leaves and never talks to him again, jason is disgusted with leo and he tells him that he’s wrong, Jason informs the whole school about _what leo is._

he had not planned for the tears. after his jaw clenched, he looked away and brought a hand to his eye, wiping away _tears of all things._

leo groans and takes his eyes off jason,  pulling his feet up from where they had been dangling loosely over the edge. “ugh, you are such a sissy.” 

“i’m sorry it’s just—“ he looks up to the sky and blinks back tears, trying not to let them fall again. he needed to be strong, for leo. jason’s skin looked so pretty under the dying light of the sky, shadows falling over the light tan planes off his face, contrasting against the darkening pinks and oranges painted above them. “you should have told me.”

“you would have thought I was weird.”

“no, i wouldn’t. g _od_ —if you had told me i would have _fixed_ this _sooner_. i mean you....”

_“had a crush on my best friend of five years?_ yeah, not really something that comes up in conversation.”

jason’s silent for a moment. “i think I always knew it too.” the words are quiet, like they’re scared of being heard, or as if he doesn’t care if leo hears them at all.

jason hasn’t even gave him a clear answer yet and leo’s going to lose it here, and just— _god_ he doesn’t know why it _hurts so much—_

“jason just say it already!” he spits, “i already know it’s fucking pathetic and i _know_ you don’t like me, but, y-you can’t just leave me hanging here! i didn’t have a crush on you, i _loved_ you jason grace. you have no idea how much this hurts, _no idea.”_

leo rises to his feet too quickly, causing his footing to be unsteady and he teeters on the edge of the roof. he’s barely an inch from falling off. panic wrings jason's body and he jolts up to steady the boy, who seemed unaware of the danger he had put himself in.

his irises are that familiar pink again and Jason shames himself for ever saying he hated it. this new revelation made it painfully obvious that although they weren’t a big deal for _jason_ , his words meant so much to _leo_. 

he doesn’t want to hurt leo, that’s the _last_ thing he wants to do. but yet tears are bursting down his face, and the blonde just holds the other close, pressing the boy’s head into his shoulder.

slowly, jason walked him away from the edge of the roof. leo sobs were muffled in his shirt and jason sat them both down, letting leo collapse into his arms. which was disturbing in every way, because leo was _not_ delicate. he never cried, never made a scene, _hell—_ jason didn’t think he _could_ feel this much. turns out he was wrong. he must have really hurt him.... 

leo got a hold of himself shortly after and they sat in silence, too afraid of breaking it, for what would happen if they did? around them, the sky turned dark.

the stars came out to say hello, shining shyly all those miles away, as if they too could see the scene on the roof. they seemed so much closer than they were, closer than jason was, and he was right beside him. leo wanted to touch them. a detail he had lost about himself over the years, leo loved the stars.

“do you think you’ll get over it? get over _me_ , i m-mean .....” jason breaks the silence, looking up into the sky. 

“eventually.” leo says, but theres no conviction in his answer, just surrender. these words were solely for jason after all, not leo, and it doesn’t matter if himself believes them.

jason turns to face him, “i love you too, leo. not in the way you love me, i think....but i seriously do. you’re my _best_ _friend_ and i....i don’t know what i’d do if you left me.”

the boy shrugs his shoulders, eyes back to gray, it seems like an illusion that they ever changed in the first place. 

“probably die.” he answers.

jason nods his head and chuckles lowly, “probably.”

they stay like that for a little while longer, but while his body is tethered to the roof, leo’s mind is elsewhere. it’s somewhere that feels like the infinite abyss and the confines of a small room at the the same time, somewhere that sounds like white noise and looks like it too; he’s somewhere that feels like goodbye.

he didn’t know what he was doing anymore and it seemed like jason didn’t know either. he just laid there, in _jason’s_ hoodie on _jason’s_ shoulder, trying to get over _jason_.

_jasonjasonjason_ , it’s all his mind ever thought about. leo wishes it would go away.

“do you think I could try just one more time?” leo asks. he’s grasping now, he knows that, but he doesn’t feel like stopping the fall.

his crush looked down and frowned slightly at leo, face illuminated by the gentle moonlight.“this is isn’t healthy for you. but... i _suppose_ i could give it another shot.”

leo nods and shifts upwards, leaning over jason’s lap and caressing his face, desperately trying to make jason feel something. trying to make jason _love_ him.

he makes sure to move his mouth just right and this time jason kisses back, reluctant but willing. their mouths move against each other for some time, longer than any normal kiss, and leo pulls away first, feeling like he’s taking advantage of jason. leo’s guilting him into a kiss....isn’t he? he had been waiting for jason to drawback and he didn’t, and it was because he was afraid of hurting leo. 

no. _no no no_. it tasted bittersweet. this isn’t how leo wanted to kiss him.

but nevertheless he feels jason’s breath on his neck and jason’s hand over his and it sends unwanted tingles down his spine and restless butterflies in his stomach. jason’s eyes are conflicted; they can’t decide between normal blue, fire-red love, or lime green concern. 

leo’s voice is soft, but a plea into the night. “did you feel anything?” he says. 

“i don’t think so.” jason breathes. 

it only took those four words to break leo’s hope, as it was much too brittle to begin with, the butterflies die away in the pit of his stomach as he swallows down their nervous flutterings. they would never get to see the light of day. 

there had always been this part of leo’s brain that _knew_ Jason would never reciprocate. but at the same time, there was also that minuscule piece that had told him, maybe it was possible, _just_ _maybe, j_ ason loved him too. and now that maybe was dead. he was forced to swallow the truth.

leo wipes away a tear, ashamed that it’s the second time this evening. jason takes hold of his hand and squeezes it, looking directly into his gray-pink eyes. _moons,_ jason realizes, _leo’s eyes are gray like the moon._

“i really am sorry, leo.” he grips the words and makes sure that the boy hears him, because jason believed in his words, and so leo believed them too. jason never had been one to lie, he was too good for that.

they climb down the roof that night and part ways, both with separate wounds to heal, jason more so than the other boy stunningly. he thinks that when they kissed maybe leo had shared one of his butterflies by accident. one of them lived on, it fluttered it’s panicked wings in j ason’s stomach as he trailed a finger over his chapped lips. no matter how hard he tried, he was unable to shake the memory of those moon eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:))
> 
> i am struggling to keep this ship here guys i swear it just keeps *oops* slipping out of my hands
> 
> i have the 2nd chapter almost completely written, but the endings still open. do you guys want them to get together or have it be onesided till the end? cause i can make it angsty. oh boy. also, bit of a style change for me so im not sure youll like it or if its good enough
> 
> comments and kudos very very much appreciated 🖤🖤


	2. let me fall out of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rain drop  
> drop top
> 
> pretty blonde boys make leo’s heart stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay cabinseventy just came out with a fic that includes TLC and weed but i sWear that part was in my drafts before it was posted im not stealing, tlc and weed just happen to both be very likeable things 😳😳 (theyre also an impeccable combination)
> 
> smh. forgive me god cabinseventy. please dont strike me down with your 70-something fics 😰😰 i am wee and small ; _ ;
> 
> if you ever think something is a metaphor in this, even if its dumb and insignifigant, you're probably right. yes, they're dumb, and yes, theres a lot of them. :)  
> 
> 
> warnings: none

“this food’s gross.” piper stated, poking her supposed vegetable coleslaw with suspicion.

“yeah.” leo agreed. they were sitting in a booth at a lonely KFC, trying to pretend like the food they were eating wasn’t just grease in different forms, which, wasn’t working too well. leo poked a plastic spoon into his mashed potatoes and it sunk in, the texture was a cross between quicksand and wet cement.

usually, when they wanted food at twelve AM they went to denny’s or waffle house, _like civilized people,_ but a spur of the moment decision had lead them to KFC instead. leo’s regret for this decision is immense, like the calories from saturated fat in his food. 

with just a glance, piper read his mind and snatched up the box of potato wedges they had ordered, ripping it open with all the gracefulness of a half-starved tiger, also creating a substantial watering hole of ketchup for dipping on the side. it really was the only edible item, for some reason this KFC was way off it’s game. the restaurant was eerily silent.

leo dipped a wedge into the ketchup. “this was a mistake. this place is just sad, the food tastes _sad_. i wish you hadn’t talked me into ditching d enny’s.”

she scoffed. “oh so _i_ talked _you_ into coming here?”

_ “yes.” _

“funny, cause i _distinctly_ remember _you_ _ saying—“ _

leo waves his hands, “It doesn’t matter who said what!” he reasoned with his potato wedge, “we’re here, that’s all that matters amigo. let’s not play the blame game now.”

the girl rolls her eyes and chows down on another wedge, mouth churning it into mashed potato. “what are your plans this week?” she says over a mouthful.

“to exist.”

”no, really.”

the lights flickered overhead. they both glance up, but ignore it. leo eyes her suspiciously and folds his arms on the table. “you know i don’t make plans. dunno, probably just go to work and then the club like every other week.”

piper swallows and takes a sip of her drink, acai vitamin water, and looks him in the eye. leo prepares himself—he’s knows what that look means. 

“i was thinking....” she starts, “there’s this lunch party a couple of our friends are having this week, and i think we should go.”

leo lifts his eye brows, waiting for the catch.

she hesitates, but continues, “but, just so you know....jason’s gonna be there.” she dropped the bomb.

looking up as if the KFC ceiling tiles held the answer to all his problems, leo groaned and ran a hand down his face. “piper, i don’t want to see him! god, last time we talked to each other we were in fucking _highschool_ and i blabbed about my big ugly gay crush on him. does that sound awkward to you? cause it is to me.”

“oh come on it wasn’t that bad!” she frowns, “and stop calling your crush ugly, it was _cute_. you were like a little depressed, lovesick puppy.”

leo closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. thinking about his highschool days brought back so many cringy memories he does _not_ want to think about, _ever_. 

.....like the time he stripped naked and ran down the—STOP. UGH.

it’s not like leo doesn’t cringe at himself every five minutes, but _still_. he was so stupid back then. hell, he’s stupid _now,_ what does that say about his younger self?

“i can’t, piper. it’ll be weird, he doesn’t want to see me after that. he avoided me the _entire second semester_ of senior year. remember that time your dad told you he had a hemorrhoid and then you didn’t talk for two weeks and hid out at my place because all you could think about was his hemorrhoid?” piper made a face. “it’s like that.”

ignoring the fact that leo just compared himself to her father’s hemorrhoid, which mind you is _not_ an easy thing to forget, piper pointed a potato wedge at him with accusation. “you avoided him too, so don’t even start with that bullshit. plus i practically had to drag you away from jumping off the school roof every damn day—still waiting for a _‘thank you’_ for that.” her voice had raised and leo hopes that the fast-food employees were at least getting some free entertainment out of their conversation. “look, he wants to see you. it’s been years, can’t you guys just put on your big boy pants and make up already?”

leo picks at a suspicious looking speck on the table, maybe dried food. it’s been a while, but he remembers how seriously jason had told him that night that he cared for him.

_ (you’re my best friend and i....don’t know what i’d do if you left me.”) _

but if that was so, why didn’t they talk the rest of the year? why weren’t they still friends? why wasn’t _jason_ here with _leo?_

leo mentally shakes his head. why did jason cap so hard?

it’s his fault, leo knows. he had jason, their bond was as thick as rope, but he was greedy, leo wanted _more_. he had to go in there and fuck everything up with his gayass feelings and dumb emotions, because _of course he did._

_this is why we can’t have nice things,_ he chastised himself.

....he doesn’t want to reconnect, because what if that means, secretely, leo still likes jason?

there would be no hiding it then.

leo looks up at piper with his biggest, most pathetic puppy dog eyes he could manage. he looked like an orphaned puppy left in a box in the pouring rain, and she didn’t crack even a _little._

_oh shit_ , he realizes with a start, leo’s not getting out of this, is he?

* * *

the lunch was on a wednesday. leo thinks thats a stupid day to have a party. 

why not friday? why not saturday? what _possible benefits_ could be obtained from having it on _goddamn_ _wednesday?_ it’s easily the lamest day of the week.

_ (if wednesday was a food it would be mayo. does that make sense?.....yeah it does, i’m a genuis....a goddamn genuis.....)_

in other words, he’s already looking for things to criticize.

he puts on a hoodie and jeans, nothing different than the average day. because this is nothing but the average day, isn’t it? right, yeah, yeah it is....

leo’s stomach is not so convinced.

on the drive to hazel’s house, he couldn’t get rid of the knots building in his stomach, stacking up like some kind of fucked tetris game. why is he all of the sudden to conscious of things being caught in his teeth and the fact that he missed his last haircut? 

piper places a hand over leo’s own, which was unconsciously pinching the skin on his wrist. “stop being so nervous, they’re our friends, remember?”

leo nods and restrains himself from fiddling more the rest of the drive. too soon, they pull up in the driveway.

hazel’s house had always been something to be in awe of. 

it’s not that it was particularly big or flashy, it was mid-century modern home in an ordinary neighborhood, like many. but she had gotten it at such a young age it was remarkable. the house was always spotless, the kitchen always smelled faintly of lemon scented cleaner and her couch didn’t have a single stain. she was put together, successful—very much the opposite of leo, who was still mooching off piper’s apartment nearly rent-free. 

he took a breath, long and quiet so that piper couldn’t tell he was doing it—couldn’t tell how nervous he was. 

he opened the door.

it was anticlimactic to say the least, music played at a nice level and the smell of food wafted through the door to greet them, but no jason in sight. he must not have gotten here yet, leo didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. (relieved, he was definetly relieved.)

annabeth came to the door to greet them with a smile. “hey guys! glad you could make it, everyone’s in the kitchen right now.” her eyes slid over leo, surprised he was here only for a moment before they started observing him, calculating how he felt. is it weird that he missed that part of her too?

in a six flags t-shirt and jean shorts, annabeth was dressed similarly to the others in the room. (except nico of course, his legs are _“too pasty for shorts”)_ a quick look past hazel’s sliding glass doors reveals percy swimming in the pool. of course it was a pool party, _of course it was._

“haven’t seen you in a while.” frank greets, double fisting coca-colas.

in terms of staying in touch with everyone leo _thought_ he was doing pretty good. he lives with piper, so that means he saw everyone quite often in leo-terms. but subtract piper out of the equation....and leo hasn’t actually reached out to anyone by himself since....well, since highschool. 

he just shrugs at frank and heads over to the table where nico was sitting. the boy acknowledges his presence with a peace sign and leo nods, they had always had that sort of understanding. solidarity bros.

he could see the pool from outside the window.

the sky was a stunning shade of blue, only specked here and there by fluffy white clouds, letting the perfect amount of sunshine through. percy swam laps in the pool and splashed piper, who had been tanning peacefully on the deck prior. he watches as the girl angrily splashes him back before they broke out into a full on water fight, ending with percy sweeping her into the pool along with him. on the other side of the pool, annabeth continued to gently swish her feet in the water and turned a page of her book, not looking up once. 

leo turned his back to the window and pulled up his legs to wrap his arms around, slumping his chin on his knee. nico lifts a questioning brow at him but says nothing. 

piper and hazel had disappeared somewhere and frank joined the others in the pool. still no sign of Jason.

leo got up and padded to where he knew hazel’s bathroom was and closed the door. sitting on the covered toilet seat, he put his face in his hands. 

leo wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for piper and her stupid attempts to make him happy. he gave up on it years ago, why couldn’t she? 

he should leave. leo should definetly, absolutely, leave. there’s nothing for him here, he’ll just come back another time when he feels up to it. yeah, he’ll come back later.

leo opens up the bathroom door again to escape but stops when something catches his eyes from across the room.

not something—someone.

standing by the doorway, paused in his conversation with piper, was jason grace.

leo felt his jaw drop to the floor and he panicked, walking backwards right back into the bathroom he came from, not breaking eye contact once. 

once the door closed, leo let his back rest against the door and his body sink, stomach playing tetris with his organs again. 

pipers muffled voice sounded from outside the bathroom. “leo? you okay?”

_ (uhhhhHHHH—) _

as if he couldn’t make the situation worse, leo panicked _again_. “ _uhh,_ taking a shit!” he called out.

god fucking _dammit._

“o _kayyy_.” she trailed awkwardly.

fuck. leo made it awkward. jason hasn’t seen him in years and the first thing he hears come out of leo’s mouth is _“i’m taking a shit.”_

ni ce, _realll nice._ this is going well already.

he waits a couple minutes before exiting the bathroom, washing his hands just incase someone was listening to make sure he did. leo didn’t use the bathroom, but that last thing he wants is jason thinking he doesn’t wash his hands on top of all the dumb shit he’s already said. 

to his surprise, nobody’s waiting outside the bathroom to stab him with pitchforks. he slowly creeps to the kitchen where voices can be heard. 

stopping at the corner and peering in, leo stands off to the side. percy and frank had come in from the pool and hazel had reemerged, he realized why—the barbecue was done. 

the friends are all talking to each other and nico is animately telling jason a story, the italian in him really coming out in the form of many rapid aggressive hand gestures. leo watches as jason laughed at all the right parts, nose scrunching up the way it always did. he’s even taller than he was in highschool, and buffer too. he’s not skinny anymore— _he’s lean._ he had changed out his glasses, no longer were they the dorky thick black frames that leo remembered, he had changed them out for big circular lenses held together by thin silver wire. jason had buzzed his hair shorter too, leo noticed a small tattoo on his bicep peeking out under shirt sleeve. 

things really had changed.

he doesn’t know why he thought jason would look the same as he did in high school, like the he would just pop out of a time capsule, same old eighteen year old jason. leo still did, he was the same scrawny boy with the same sad gray eyes, with the exception of a few new piercings, _and because he had missed his hair cut,_ longer hair.

leo wonders if he should leave still.

piper looks at him a second too long and jason tracks her eyes to him, they flash purple with worry. 

“hey leo.” jason tried nervously. the whole rooms eyes seemed to be on them.

“hey....” leo picked at his sleeve. 

a beat passes and neither say anything, the room is silent.

slowly, _painfully_ , conversation starts to stir up again, so obviously trying to patch up that moment it hurt. 

leo went to grab a burger, veggie. he’s lived with Piper so long he can’t really imagine eating the alternative; he thinks he’s been involuntarily vegetarian for about a month. (not his longest record, but getting there)

he avoids jason like the plague, purposely sitting as far away from him as possible and finishing his food quickly. hazel and percy start talking about going in the pool again and almost reluctantly jason joins them, glancing to leo before heading out the sliding doors, a silent invitation that leo refused wholeheartedly.

“why aren’t you gettin’ the pool dude?” percy had asked on his way to get soda. leo gestured to his jeans.

“didn’t really know we were swimming.”

“ah it’s no problem,” he cracked the cap and the soda fizzed, percy took a long slurp. “i’ve got an extra in my car. i’ll go get it for you real quick.”

he’s off before leo can refuse and back before he could come up with an excuse to get out of it, instead he’s shooed off to the bathroom to change.

the shorts are blue with little fishes and stripes on them. leo pulls them on and tightens them as far as the strings will go, but they’re still loose, his legs swimmed in fabric. 

he _really_ hadn’t changed. 

he looked like a kindergartner in the swim shorts so Leo threw his hoodie back on over it, turning them into just regular shorts.

it felt wrong stepping outside the glass doors, like he wasn’t meant to. leo had broke a barrier that couldn’t be repaired, but he sat by the pool regardless. it really was the perfect day out, the warm sunlight was already hitting his skin, it made the pool surface dazzle. he dips a finger in the water. annoyingly, it was at just the right temperature—cold, but not ice-cube-cold. refreshing. 

_“whoo!_ look who finally decided to join us!” piper waded over to him, her hair stringy and wet and plastering to her body in all types of weird squiggles. they looked like deltas, spreading roots along her tan shoulders and back. 

“sorry, couldn’t handle all the hallmark happiness going on out here.” he joked lazily.

piper folded her arms on the concrete and rested her head on them, squinting up at him. “why aren’t you getting in the water?” she asked.

percy laughed and waded backwards, “getting in the water? leo’s too much of a buzzkill for that!”

the people around him laughed at that, poking fun at leo and the hoodie over his swim shorts. he laughed it off with them, but didn’t succumb to their taunts. leo stayed on the pool deck watching the others have fun with gray eyes. 

he noticed jason staring at him from the other side of the pool but refused to look at him, instead he pretended like he didn’t see the man’s gaze. seconds lasted longer when jason looked at him, as if he was trying to peel back leo’s surface and see his core, see his _true_ _colors._ he’s sick of pretending. leo headed back inside.

to his annoyance, jason followed him in. the blond toweled off his hair, now in a spiky mess on top of his head, he looked like sonic the hedgehog— _no_ , like a sonic the hedgehog _fanart_.

if it were three and a half years ago leo would have laughed.

jason leaned against the counter. leo didn’t look at him. 

“too much sun for you? I think theres sunscreen around here somewhere, if you want.” 

he doesn’t correct jason—his skin was too dark to burn—just blinked at him. “yeah, i guess.”

“so,” jason looked in the fridge for a soda, “how’s life?”

his approach is worse than bad, leo takes a moment to mentally curse piper for making him come to this thing in the first place. “it’s okay. how about you?”

jason pulls put a can if dr. pepper and takes a swig, excited that leo had asked. “life is great, i’ve got good friends, a good home. i mean, i’m narrowly avoiding the sucking blackhole that is student debt, but, that’s better than some are doing.”  leo didn’t know jason was in college. the fact makes him squirm, he was doing so well compared to leo, who, since highschool, had only existentially questioned the purpose of his life and eaten cinnamon toaster strudels. he’s pathetic standing next to jason. “but i don’t want to talk about me. i mean, i haven’t seen you in so long, how are you? piper was telling us about—“

“why are you talking to me?” leo cut in abruptly, causing jason to fluster, opening and closing his mouth like a fish, searching for the right answer. there didn’t seem to be one.

“i—well, i miss you?” jason’s statement came out as more of a question and his irises faded to yellow—embarrassment. 

the curly haired boy scoffed. _“missed me?_ we haven’t talked in years, idiot. you stroll in here as if were friends, and expect me to act as if nothing happened? you can’t just try to pick up where you left you off.” he crossed his arms, standing defensively across from him.

_”i_ ignored _you?_ that’s not—you didn’t talk to me either, don’t try to pin this all on me when you’re the one who started it all.” jason’s eyes flashed an angry magenta color, startling leo because it was so rare. jason never got angry. then, as if remembering why he came, jason relaxed. “sorry. i....wanted to talk to you, i swear i did, but it was weird. and i thought....” jason faltered.

“thought what?” leo snapped.

he sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, and spoke quietly as if leo was bird, and anything too loud would spook him off somehow. “i thought it would have made you worse. i made you so sad....”

leo felt an old spark rekindle in his stomach and he pinched out it’s flame. “you idiot, literally _anything_ would have been better than ignoring me.”

jason squinted his blue eyes, cringing at his old decisions.

oh how the tables have _turned._

leo admits it felt good to have this power over jason, to be able to make him _regret_. a part of him wants to make jason feel as much misery as he did back then; the crushing weight that _you ruined something, for good,_ and you’re the only person to blame.

“i know, and i’m _sorry_. it got harder with time, but i really missed you. can we just be friends again?” he restates at the face leo gives him, “or like, work on being friends again?”

leo thinks on it for a moment. he wants to hold this power over jason, he really does, but his heart wants him back more. it slips out of his grasp. “we can work on it.” he says begrudgingly, looking down and scuffing his shoe against the kitchen tile. 

jason brightens up like leo had replaced his batteries and he rushes forward, taking the latino into a hug he wasn’t ready for and wrapping his strong arms around Leo’s slim frame, he almost cages the boy. 

leo’s head is pressed into jason’s firm chest. he smells like cologne—not the cheap body spray he wore in high school—this smelled more lux. it made him dizzy. he doesn’t have time to be embarrassed that now his head only hits midway on jason’s torso, too entranced by the closeness of the man, the way he can almost feel his heart beating underneath the soft fabric of his shirt. the only person who had gotten this close to him like this was piper, jason’s hug was a sad reminder of how how touch starved leo was. loosely, his fingertips trail over ja son’s back.

jason hugged him almost with desperation, and for the first time, leo thought, maybe, ja son really did miss him. 

* * *

after the wednesday pool party, leo admits he didn’t make any efforts to contact jason. 

in fact, he did the opposite. 

leo went work, came home to the apartment, and went on the internet for hours on end until the sky lightened outside and he realized her forgot to sleep. again. piper was unenthusiastic about this development, but he didn’t think she would actually _do_ anything about it.

nonetheless, jason grace still stood near their couch, spinning his keys around his finger. leo watched them go round and round, always expecting them to suddenly fly off and hit the wall but they never did. 

“i’m ready!” piper called from her room before coming out, dressed in high-waisted jeans, a black tank top, and the worn out color-block jacket leo’s seen her wear so many times. 

her revenge came in the form of inviting jason to the mall with them, trying to give their friendship a little push. it felt more like a shove down the stairs to leo, a long, _long_ flight of stairs. with spikes at the bottom.

....but he’s sure he’s the only one who felt like that. leo usually is.

the car ride was full of piper and jason’s awful singing as they attempted karaoke to the songs on the car radio, leo pointed out that you had to actually _know_ the songs to do karaoke, but they didn’t seem to care. they were offbeat with the singer the whole time, always guessing what the next lyric was. leo felt like their moody kid tucked into the backseat and was relieved when they got out. he’s a full grown adult—just one who happens to catch rides on the middle bump in the backseat of his best friend’s car.

their mall was buzzing with people, it was a saturday after all. they all flounced from one shop to another, conforming with the money sucking system crafted by marketers, dinging from one thing to the next like the obstacles in mario kart. 

piper’s inner privellaged kid drew them to starbucks where she ordered herself overpriced coffee. 

leo immediately began searching for the least expensive thing on the menu and came up with nada, somehow _everything_ was four dollars. he shifted his feet, there was only a couple people ahead of him now. 

jason nudges the boy’s arm. “hey, i’ll get your drink, don’t worry about it. know what you want?”

leo fervently shook his head.

“i’ll just order for you.” 

jason orders him some sort of iced tea. it’s a deep shade of purple and upon further inspection he notices little bits of fruit or berries of some sort floating among the ice cubes, a small sip reveals it to taste like blackberries and something herbal. leo thought it would be sweeter. he’s glad it wasn’t.

he thanked jason, who brushed him off. he drank a big coffee himself, hot.

piper slipped into pacsun and leo attempted to follow, but quickly became disoriented by the maze of clothes and figurines, it was too much _‘trying to be cool’_ for one store. 

he sits down on a bench outside the store and jason follows. he sits tentatively, as if leo would bite his head off for trying to share the bench. he doesn’t. it must suck for jason, being stuck with him all day. 

“i don’t know how she enjoys that place,” jason blows air from his nose, “too much music, too many bright lights. it’s like their _trying_ to give me a stroke.”

“exactly!” leo brought a fist down on his leg, “that’s what i’ve been saying, man. it’s like, they disorient you with their too-loud shit indie music so you can’t make clear choices and then if you _somehow_ navigate the maze _that is the fucking store_ to the exit, all you end up with is a headache and a bag of clothes you didn’t even _want.”_

jason laughed at the amount of passion leo had for this subject, he forget how flustered the boy could get about small things. leo always was angry at the world. 

on the other hand, jason’s laughter was like a thumb pressing onto a sore wound, one that had never healed. he’s heard countless times before, but leo didn’t think he would ever hear again until last week, much less _invoke_ it. his stomach clenches, familiar knots wounding together despite leo’s aims.

the blond shoved his glasses up his nose and chuckled, “it’s all part of their evil scheme. how long do you think she’ll last?”

“piper?” leo didn’t even hesitate with his answer, “oh no, she’s like a tank. i’m pretty sure she’s engineered for this stuff. could be five minutes, could be an hour.”

If pacsun had a fool-proof scheme for disorienting it’s customers, piper’s the best opponent it’s ever seen. 

it turned out to be just over ten minutes before the girl returned from the shop, carrying a medium-sized tan paper bag out with her. she then proclaimed that she was in fact hungry, and that they were going to the food court—something neither jason or leo was ready to disagree with.

the food court smelled like fried food and terriyaki chicken, mixed with wafts of frozen fruit from the smoothie store. leo had gotten panda express, and upon request, shared his food with jason. it feeling weirdly reminiscent of when he used to snatch the cookies off of l eo’s lunch tray. (jason used to tell him it tasted better off his plate. then leo would flick him on the arm)

piper had gone to chik-fil-a, which was concerning since the line for it spanned half of the food court, and sadly that meant leo had to be alone with jason. 

the blond twirled lo-mein onto his fork and slurped it up. leo had argued for fried rice, but they ordered lo-mein with the compromise that leo could have his sweet & sour chicken instead of the nasty orange chicken jason wanted. it was a fair trade. (besides the fact that jason was eating most of the food)

in an effort to make conversation, jason asked leo, “so, is your place near here or what? tell me, where is the amazing leo valdez livin’?”

leo stopped chewing his chicken. 

did jason not get the memo that...? or—oh god, this is embarrassing. he blinks at him. 

“....i live with piper.” he said slowly, like talking to a child.

jason’s eyes blow up and he audibly chokes on his lo-mein. “o-oh, um...cool,” he fumbles with his fork, “so you two stayed friends after high school?”

his voice was small, and leo realized he was being asked a different question than what actually came from jason’s mouth. _am i the only one you ignored?_

“something like that,” he twirls the plastic fork between his fingers, “she kinda just kidnapped me into her apartment one day.” he doesn’t feel the need to elaborate on that. nope, no need at all. leo waved his hands. “i t’s all good though. plus i only pay like a fourth of the rent, so.”

it was a half-truth. what really happened was a lot sadder and a lot more pathetic, so he keeps it away from jason, playing monkey in the middle with his question.

jason’s cheeks heated slightly and the tips of his ears turned pink. he fixed his crooked glasses. “that must be cool. seeing your best friend everyday.”

leo wished jason hadn’t said that. 

it made the conversation hang in the air like dense fog, reminding them that jason had been leo’s best friend too at one point, but not anymore. 

jason and leo are not best friends anymore. 

_ jason and leo are not best friends anymore. _

jason and leo are not friends anymore.

jasonandleo

jason and leo.

jason.and. leo.

jason leo

leo 

leo

leo

he doesn’t want to think about it anymore. sipping his drink, leo tries to look anywhere but the man in front of him. he puts his earbuds in, but doesn’t play any music.

piper comes back, thank god. she sets down her own food and a pack of chicken nuggets for leo. he was used to it by now—piper finds out you’re underweight _one time_ and now your life is full of meals you didn’t ask for. he just doesn’t care about eating, unless it’s the random craving for entire pints of ice cream and fajitas he gets every month or so. 

she rips out his earbuds and leo watches them fall, not retaliating.

“can you believe the lady in front of me in the line? she clearly ordered _two chicken sandwiches,_ but then got hella mad when she got her order, saying that she payed for _four._ she kept bringing up that she was related to bill gates? a removed cousin or something. like _maam_ , what does that have to do with the fact that you are standing between _me_ and my goddamn _chicken.”_

he shows her no enthusiasm. “cool story bro.” 

piper slaps his shoulder for the comment. “anyways, you guys look ready to go. i’m kinda done myself.”

“great. we’ll just drop jason off and go home.”

_“or,”_ she raises her finger and leo knows he’s in for it, “jason you can come back with us and watch a movie or something. it’s barely twelve o’clock.”

fuckkkk. 

jason glances up from his sweet & sour chicken, oblivious to the vibes leo was putting out. “a movie sounds great.”

* * *

what  they were in was certainly not a comfortable position.

leo  had refused to sit next to jason and instead forced piper to be the great wall that seperated them. they had started the movie in normal sitting positions, but thirty minutes in piper was leaning against jason’s shoulder with her feet resting atop of leo’s curled up body, which was only about halfway on their petite couch. (she had fuzzy socks on. leo wished he had fuzzy socks) jason was as stiff as a dead man, sitting on what was _definitely_ the TV remote based on how the volume changed every time he shifted his butt, feet sticking straight out onto the coffee table and arms splayed over both piper and the couch arm. a bucket of popcorn balanced precariously on top of the chaos, threatening to topple with each movement.

the movie was something spy related, it had big explosions and cool actors, but leo still couldn’t pay attention to it. he thinks about jason.

it’s weird that he’s here right now. jason being here with him and piper was like trying to fit a circle inside of a square, except everyone was just pretending that it fit perfectly, which made leo want to _yell_ because he’s the only one that will acknowledge _that circles dont fit inside fucking squares._

...maybe jason used to fit, but not now. not anymore. not when leo was just starting to feel comfortable.

jason was his last love. leo’s eyes don’t go pink anymore, only ever dull, boring gray. the gray that everybody hates to see, because they figured out leo’s little trick, and now he can never hide again. it’s not fair.

he didn’t ask to be born this way. yet here he is, stuck with the consequences.

leo’s eyes are still sad. he tries to keep watching the movie.

* * *

after two weeks of binging home improvement shows, piper had discovered that her walls _absolutely_ needed a paint job.

leo agreed to help, as long as she take him out for ice cream later. he did _not_ agree for jason to help, though.

no, he didn’t agree with it, but yet there he was. jason stood in the middle of piper’s room, he had on an _actual fucking painter’s suit_ and was holding a brush like he was about to perform goddamn surgery. 

the room had been cleared of  furniture—except for the bed. piper’s bed was from IKEA, and there was no amount of willpower enough to get them to disassemble it, it might as well be bolted to the floors. if they ever move out, that thing is staying there. no matter _what_ the fuck their tenant says. 

leo had not gone with the _“CDA from Monster’s Inc.”_ approach with his painting fit like jason did, instead he just threw on the rattiest clothes he had and prepared to sacrifice them to The Paint.

“why is she choosing white? isn’t it kind of, bland?”

“hey, you heard her, it’s _‘offwhite,”_ he corrected jason with a flourish, “i’m just offering my hands to be kind, people say i’m _very_ noble y’know—“

“that’s not true!” piper yelled from the kitchen, “i had to threaten to kick him out! don’t believe his lies!”

leo grabs a roller and sinks it into the pan of (off)white paint, it feels thick. “blasphemy,” he mutters under his breath.

jason begins working on all the corners and spaces where theres trim, outlining the walls so leo could go ham with his paint roller and not have to worry about precision. the painting motion showed off jason’s muscles nicely, and the paint smells oddly good, like the smell of sharpies. 

“hey, why does piper have the authority to kick you out anyway?” jason asks from his corner, not breaking his eyes from the wall he was been painting.

“she just does, dunno....it’s her apartment after all.”

piper would probably hold the authority to kick him out of an apartment he had complete ownership of, but he doesn’t say that.

“huh. hey, where _were_ you living before piper kidnapped you here?”

it’s a casual question, but, kind of an awkward one for leo. slowing down his painting, leo bites his lip. he had been hoping jason never asked him that. “....i was, y’know, between places.” he says nonchalantly.

there might have been a time gap from when they used to hang out and now, but jason still knew leo. he was withholding information. “between places or no place?”

leo scoffs and shoves his roller in the paint tin to get more. “a place, no place—does it really matter? we’re all just things in one big place, if you think about it.”

“ _sooo_ , you didn’t have a place.” he sighs.

“you’re a goddamn _genius_ , jason. has anybody ever told you that?” leo has to take a break from painting, his arms feel like lead. if they have to do another coat, well...jumping out the window isn’t a _bad_ option.... “nah, i didn’t have a place. the system never found a home for me, they probably just couldn’t handle all this swagggg.”

“never say swag again.”

“shut up,” leo waves a hand, “so yeah, i just managed to rot away in there till’ i was eighteen. and then....”

“you didn’t have a home.” jason finished. He didn’t hold any judgement or pity in his tone, it was conversational, light. leo always liked that about him. he never felt like he was different or weird when he talked to jason, not that he cared much about what came out of his own mouth, anyway.

“yeah. i lived in my car for a while. and for a while i mean, like, two years. i highly underestimated the power banker’s hold. did you know it’s really fucking hard to get a loan when the bankers know you live in your car? like _sorryyy_ for offending you, i _guess_ i’ll just _try_ to not be poor next time.”

jason snorts and his brush lines wiggle as a result. the paint smell seemed to be getting stronger, and leo was feeling a bit lightheaded. he was a smidge loopy, and kind of wishing jason had brought face masks to go along with his ridiculous hazmat-suit-type-thing. why isn’t piper painting her own damn walls again?

“that sounds tough.” jason said, “for what it’s worth, i’m sorry you had to live like that.”

“live like what? i ate hot pockets everyday and took showers at the local gym. it was perfect.”

he had felt better when jason had treated the conversation normally, now? it felt bad; it felt like beetles were crawling on the insides of his stomach, and the paint fumes were....were... choking him.

jason is treating him different, which means that his previous homelessness was a problem to him. why did he even ask in the first place, couldn’t jason tell before that leo hadn’t had _“a place”?_ what if he brought it up just to put leo down...

“still.” jason said

they kept painting. leo wished jason was a jerk, then he could have an actual reason to hate him. 

he thinks about jason’s monsters inc. painters suit again and giggles to himself, elicitiing a stare from jason. he really is such a dork, at least that hadn’t changed... oh god, leo’s getting high off fucking paint fumes, isn’t he? 

and why isn’t piper painting her own damn walls? 

* * *

“oi, leo” piper’s voice makes him jump and the lid clatters in his hands. “whatcha makin’ there?”

“s’ a protein shake.”

“a protein shake?”

“mhm.” he screws the lid on wiped the sides down where it had spilled. it was kinda grainy, or, chalky.

piper leans against the counter of their small kitchen. leo didn’t think she would be awake yet.

“...what are you drinking protein shakes for?”

leo opens the fridge and catches the bottle of mustard that tried to clatter its way out. he shoved it back on the shelf. stupid mustard. “i don’t know, _piper_ , why do people drink protein shakes?”

“ok, sheesh. i was just asking.” piper huffed, grabbing bread to throw in the toaster. “what, are you going to start going to the gym too?” she mumbles, quietly, but leo heard it.

“what was that?” he snaps.

“i’m just saying,” the bread gets flung into the toaster with harshness it doesn’t see normally, “you’re not even the type of person who eats food for fun. and, you’ve never showed interest in... _gains_ , or whatever. so forgive me for wondering what had made my friend start drinking protein shakes. plus, those things nasty.”

“are not.” 

leo takes a sip to prove his point, but falters when the liquid hit his throat. this was just....cruel tasting.

piper notices and tips her head. “my point.”

leo sighs. “ugh. all of our friends are _buff_ , piper. have you seen them? they look like fucking greek _gods,_ carved from marble with like—glistening abs or perky tits all wrapped under a sheer sexy toga.” she rolls her eyes at his description and stifles a laugh. “so, _forgive me,_ if I want to steal a little bit of that godly appearance. hey, who knows, maybe i’ll catch a few girls in the process.”

“yeah. cause girls is what you want.”

leo holds a hand to his ear. “oh? what was that piper? i can’t hear you over the sound of my cells firing off and my ribosomes crafting fucktons of wonderful, _oh so perfect_ , proteins at _godspeed—“_

“you pay attention in biology _one time—“_

“can’t hear you, piper. i’m so sorry, they’re just too powerful. i can’t stop them—“

“shut _up!”_

piper finally broke, laughter peeling from her lips and she jumps when the toaster goes off, two pieces of, mostly-burnt, toast popping out. 

leo grins and tries not to grimace when he takes another sip of protein shake. “besides, i look like your guy’s adopted kid when we all go out.“

“leo, you’re not that small.”

he gives her a look. “ok, mom.”

piper dejectedly starts scraping the burnt bits off her toast. “you’re twenty, leo. and you look it.”

leo cringes in on himself. “ew don’t say it like that. now i feel old. you’re making me an old man, _piper_. how are my proteins supposed to regenerate now?”

piper rolls her eyes.

“but seriously”, she says, “why do you care so much about—wait, is this about—?”

“what?”

“is this about jason?”

“what? no.” scowling at her, leo scowls and clenches his fists. she should let this go already. why is isn’t she letting this go already? 

piper drops her toast. “it is, isn’t it.”

“piper, it’s not about him and it’s not a big deal —“

she spins around, eyes turning from annoyance to anger too quickly. “stop lying about it, i know.”

_“i’m not lying!_ what is your big deal with me doing this? it’s just a shake piper, you—you don’t get to decide what i do with my body!”

“making yourself bigger isn’t going to make jason love you, leo!”

the protein shake trembles gently in leo’s hands. piper looks down and slowly retreats back to her toast. 

“....i didn’t mean that.”

“no it’s,” he swallows, “it’s okay.”

it’s not okay, and they both know it. he leaves the shake on the counter, forgotten.

* * *

jason’s eyes were always obnoxious. 

obnoxiously blue, green....orange. orange was his color of annoyance. it feels almost as if it’s mocking leo’s, orange is supposed to mean happiness for him.

his eyes are never orange.

jason was supposed to be helping him run errands, but somewhere along the way they had run out of motivation to do it. before he knew it, leo had driven them to the park, hands working the steering wheel on their own.

it was cloudy out, a thick covering smeared over the sky; a blur of bright white in the gray was the only indication of where the sun was. he shut the car door. 

“why’re we here?” jason asked, climbing out of the passengers side.

“dunno.” 

“so you just drive places for no reason? thought you had errands.”

he shrugs.

the park is how he remembered it. big majestic oak trees spread their limbs, low to the ground so the kids could climb on top of them, the grass needed a bit of mowing. past the trees and picnic benches was a playground, and past that was a small skatepark. leo had usually stuck to the parking lot of this joint, if you know what i mean.

he walked over to the benches and jason followed, even though, he hadn’t asked him to.

he sits on top of the table, leaning on his palms. jason stops in front of him, hand on his hips.

“seriously. why are we here?”

leo sighs and narrows his eyes. “i don’t know, jason, don’t you ever just go places? does there really _need_ to be a reason?”

“i don’t know—yes? i just feel like you’re acting weird.”

“i always act weird. get used to it.” leo pats a spot next to him and jason sits down, not on top of the table but on the actual bench part, like a _goddamn model citizen._

they stay quiet. leo gets the feeling jason doesn’t know what to say. he doesn’t either; this is the same man who who laughed with him, who had lifted him up and cheered him on, who hid out with him in the storage closet for two hours after he made the mistake of crossing clarisse la rue in tenth grade, and then spent the day with him making shadow puppets with the cleaning supplies. 

yet, leo doesn’t know him. 

they _say_ he’s the same, the same jason that leo loved. but is he? and so weirdly, leo still feels that same gross pull of attraction to him, even though he doesn’t want to. 

and _jason_ didn’t know what to say because what _do_ you say to the boy you found out had a gay crush on you and then you ghosted him for years? e specially when you can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t want you here, _literally._

oh, but it’s all okay though. isn’t it.

leo licks his lips and stares at the gray sky. “do you ever wish you could go back and change something?”

jason is slow to answer. “....yeah. all the time.”

“what would you change?”

he sighs and runs a hand through his hair, thought it’s too short to do anything with. it looked better longer, leo thinks. “i would....talk to my mom, maybe. just before she developed that whole drinking problem thing, probably....—oh, i would definetly stop myself from entering the seventh grade talent show.”

leo made a face. “didn’t you sing?”

jason pales and his eyes are a distraught purple. “yeah.”

leo couldn’t help it. he snorted with laughter, the image of little seventh grade jason singinghorribly in front of everybody was too strong, like he was some kind of off-tune choir boy. jason’s singing is god awful.

“don’t laugh! i got made fun of for weeks after that!”

the boy grins up at jason with unhinged malevolence, a look jason knew _so well,_ his eyes glinted with mischief. “oh-ho- _ho_ , you deserved all of it buddy. you were too confident back then, had no shame. god i’m so glad you got bullied.”

jason groaned. “you’re going to hell.”

“and i’ll take you with me, little songbird,” he jabs jason in his side with his fingers and he scoots away from leo, rubbing it sorely. “care to sing me a little melody?”

“shut up!” he groaned some more, defeat in his eyes, and you didn’t need to see color to know it.

he smiles. jason’s pain had always been particularly amusing to him. 

“i would go back and....” leo trails off. he realized too late that...leo would only really change one thing, but he can’t say it. 

jason doesn’t question this. he watches leo, as the words fade from his lips and he’s left staring at the sky again, that familiar drab look in his eyes. his irisis were not orange, far from it. but maybe, they were just a hint of warm gray. 

* * *

piper and leo’s apartment was small. it held their two bedrooms, the living room and their tiny kitchen, and that was it. their walls had holes and stains, every time someone took a shower upstairs their water would run cold, and you couldn’t tiptoe for a late night snack without making the floorboards groan.

and sure, it was small, _but it was theirs._

at night it’s sleeping walls would hug him, and in the daylight it provided shelter from everything waiting beyond their doormat. it was small enough to press all of leo’s feelings together, how little of them left, compressing them, smaller and smaller, to where they could be held in the palm of his hand, and be kept safe. 

leo liked being able to fit his life in the palm of his hand. 

ever since the first day he woke up on the worn-in coffee stained couch, disoriented and hurt by the day before, he had found shelter there. a home.

leo had found home. jason was making him question it.

he was at their place again, as he did every week, consistent in his effort to....leo doesn’t know what he’s trying to do exactly.

jason is sitting on their couch. piper had left hours ago, leaving him alone with his headache that makes his heart ache.

“come sit down with me.” jason pats a spot next to the couch, like leo had weeks ago at the park. “i wanna talk to you.”

he complies. jason is not the enemy he had thought he was at first. that much was clear to him from day two, but it took him longer to come to terms with it than to realize it.

jason sighs comfortably, “i have a paper coming up that i really should do, but....i wanna chat with you before. is that bad?”

“nah. i endorse failing.” theres no energy behind it. 

jason chuckles. “i’m sure you do.”

there he goes at it again with those little jabs. it was too much like highschool—why can’t jason get past that? why can’t jason see that leo doesn’t need him anymore?  why can’t—....

....why can’t leo get past the fact that jason never needed him in the first place?

he looks down, staring intently at the coffee table. all muscle control over his facial features had been lost, his lips droop down into a frown.

“hey.” jason places a hand comfortingly on his arm, trying to peer into his eyes but leo swerves his face—jason’s irises are purple. “are you okay?”

he wants to say yes. _i’m okay, i always am._ it’s on the tip of his tongue, but for some reason _the words won’t come out—_

“i’m so tired.” is what he says instead. his voice was low and cracked from being forced down so long, his tone was drawn out and soft. vulnerable. worn out, and so, so _tired._ leo’s voice doesn’t sound like his own to his ears. are those really his words...?....

jason looks like he’s seeing leo for the first time. hesitantly, he reaches out and snakes an arm around leo’s shoulders, it’s left there for some time, while the boy they held crumbled apart. 

leo’s so tired.

* * *

“camping?”

“ _camping_.” piper restated.

leo looked at her like she was out of her mind. “you can’t possibly want to go camping. _outside_? where bugs crawl into your ears and at least thirty percent of horror movies happen?”

“hey, i thought it was a good idea.” frank piped from the couch.

leo rolled his eyes. of course frank would think its a good idea. 

he had been dragged to social events again, via piper. leo noticed she was acting suspicious before their arrival, but he didn’t know she was planning a trap. that’s what this was—a trap, carefully crafted by piper’s _sticky little fingers_ to get leo to participate in social gatherings. the thought makes him gag.

leo liked going out with people more in high school, he thinks. or maybe, it was just easier back then. 

piper keeps her head held high. “we’ll leave next weekend, i can book the spot tonight. meet up at hazel’s place friday morning?”

“sounds good to me.” percy said, followed by a loud burp. he drinks too much soda.

“who’s bringing tents?” hazel asked.

piper trailed her fingers over her lips, a thing she does when she’s thinking. “....i think we should all be responsible for our own tents, but share it in pairs. two for a tent—oh! i’ll bring marshmallows!”

“marshmallows are gross,” leo blanched, “everyone knows hotdogs on a stick are where it’s at.”

everyone disagrees. 

leo sighs, and while everyone is planning who they’ll share their tent with he slips out to the driveway, where he hides away in the car.

he’d have to take a day off of work. 

why should he? leo doesn’t want to go, he’s pretty sure nobody cared if he went besides piper, and there won’t even be hotdogs on a stick. but hey, it could be worse—jason could’ve been invited.

he thinks about that for a moment. him and jason, in the woods, singing campfire songs and telling ghost stories. jason would eat a s’more and the marshmallow would squish out before it gets in his mouth, _because marshmallows are stupid and should very much die._

and then, leo would reach out and wipe it off his face with his fingers, laughing at his ignorance of the sweet. there would be a campfire, and when jason realized what leo did he would turn just right so that the light reflected in his bright ocean eyes. in a perfect world....

it would never happen like that, leo knows it. that would be too good for him, so out of reach. but it’s okay to dream, isn’t it? leo sinks down in the passenger seat. 

a glance out the window reveals piper in the driveway, saying goodbye to their friends.

he rolled down the window. “can you hurry up? it’s hot in this bitch!”

* * *

piper picked a campsite far away from their city. it was long drive, four hours maybe. another hour with the added bathroom stops and snack runs. 

leo listened to music. he didn’t buy anything to snack on, but took a handful of hazel’s skittles when she offered. 

they had rented a van. the carpets were clean and it had that new car scent, leo sat in the very back since the consensus was to shove all the small people in the back.

they are not small enough. nico’s elbow has been buried in his spleen for _who knows how fucking long it’s gone numb,_ and every time hazel moved he caught a wisp of her hair in his face. he’s not used to this much touch. leo feels squished, but it’s....nice. almost.

he almost falls down when everyone stampedes put of the van, leo can’t feel his ass. 

piper picked out their campsite and registered them all for the weekend, everyone else’s jobs were to, quote on quote, _“get off their asses and put up the damn tents before the sun goes down”._

it’s at this moment leo realized he _may_ have fucked up.

while he had been sulking in the car everyone else had chosen their tent partners, and he very much _did not._ leo watches the tents being put up with a blank expression and twiddles his fingers. 

_well, shit._ he might be sleeping on the ground tonight.

walking up to piper, he taps on her shoulder. _“heyyyy pipes._ you know, other people like to have lots of space in their tents, but you’re special, you like it nice and cozy. and _lucky for you,_ i—“

“you don’t have a tent, i know.” she says with a dull expression, glancing to something behind him.

leo hears a voice from behind him, and a fire inside of him ignites.

“i could fix that.”

he stays deadly still for a moment, _(maybe if i don’t move he won’t see me.....)_

jason walks around in front of him, eyes much too blue for the dread that leo just felt. he smiled. “we can share a tent, leo.”

“no, that’s okay jason, wouldn’t want to burden you, i’ll just—” he scans the campsite, everyone was already finished setting up, and their stuff had been put away into the tents. fuck. nobody’s going to go switchsies with leo, are they? “....nevermind. you said you brought a tent?”

“yep.” jason went to go get his tent from his car, which he had drove here separately.

piper gives him s sympathetic look, she knew. 

“leo—“

“don’t. i don’t want to hear it. this is treason of the highest degree piper. godamn _treason.”_

her lips quirk up. “sorry, i wasn’t going to invite him because of you, but, he wanted to go. i couldn’t say no, he used his—“

“his puppy eyes?”

“ _yes.”_ she exhaled.

leo shook his head and tsked. “manipulative ass bitch. bet he whined about it too.”

joking about jason felt nice. joking was okay. it felt like old times—jason never did understand social cues. he had been like a baby giraffe learning to walk in in highschool, just so _awkward;_ it made you just want to put him out of his misery. somehow, all the girls still fawned over him, leaving piper and leo to cackle from the sidelines, because _they_ knew the _real jason._ the one that studied for every test and packed applesauce and strawberry gogurt in his lunchbox everyday—that was the real jason.

they were always an odd duo, piper and leo. known infamously around the school, piper and leo had accumulated stacks on stacks of detentions together. he was the mento to her coca-cola, though that’s a weird way to put it....

let’s just say lots of people knew piper and leo’s names, but they didn’t know theirs in return.

and then jason happened....

........

...

jason was back with the tent, and it took him nearly poking out his eye with the tent-stick to break leo out of his thoughts. 

he had been zoning, and jason had let him. he did that often—let leo be with his own thoughts. he let him catch up at his own pace, instead of shaking him out of it like others did. 

leo pretended he was still zoning out. jason was almost done setting up, and leo had zero intentions of helping out. 

even surrounded by people, leo still felt so alone, like something had been carved out of him, the something that made him _human_. he spectated the campsite from the wooden picnic bench.

annabeth had begun collecting twigs for a fire. she was quiet enough, leo decided to help her. 

they had accumulated a big enough pile to ignite, annabeth said something about going to the camp store to grab matches, but stopped when leo flicked out a lighter.

the flames grew, slowly and steadily, at their own pace. yellow, orange, red, and glimmering gold; the fire started overtaking the twigs and brush provided for it, slowly but surely. sure, some people wanted them to grow _faster_ , but they were still growing nonetheless. _slowly but surely._

and before you know it, the flames had erupted at the top of the logs.

....were still talking about a campfire, right? 

oh well. where fire was, people gathered. somewhere along the way someone had pulled out a bag of marshmallows. leo made no comment.

it was sickeningly parallel to his daydream last week; everyone was happy, smiling and laughing and piling marshmallows on sticks. jason _had_ made a s’more, and it _did_ get on his face. 

there was no hotdogs, though. leo hadn’t vouched hard enough to get them. 

the sky was still light enough to see the people around him, the moon shining down brightly on them. 

“so, truth or dare?” the fire illuminated percy’s grin. several groans echoed out; percy was an adult who never grew out of their truth or dare phase. (and they all stopped holding out hope that he would)

“no,” hazel demanded, “kiss or slap.”

“you just love the drama.” piper scoffed.

hazel’s eyes glimmered with excitement. “oh i _revel_ in it.”

“how about truth or dare _and_ kiss or slap?” piper suggested, “like, you can chicken out of the truth or dare, but then the group decides if you kiss or slap someone.”

hazel nodded, percy clapped, and annabeth shrugged to signal that she was down.

jason shook his head. “girls are psychopaths.”

leo threw up a peace sign for that one. he starts eyeing the bag of marshmallows as they started the game. maybe they wont be so bad....

“okay.” hazel rubbed her hands together, “rock paper scissors for who goes first?”

“hell yeah.”

percy wins rock paper scissors. he always does. leo grabs a marshmallow and skewers it on a stick, even if he didn’t like the damned things maybe he could make on anyway, perfectly warm brown and gooey. he could give it to jason, since he loves them so much.

waggling his eyebrows, percy leaned towards jason. “okay bro, truth or dare?”

_“tru—“_

“jason if you pick truth you’re a dissapointment to me.”

“okay. dare.”

_“i dareee youuuu,”_ there’s a pause as percy thinks, putting a finger to his chin. there’s a little bit of chocolate crusted around his mouth. “to run the block in the dark, and when you see a tent with lights on make animal noises before just booking it.”

his neck arched in dread, jason looked around for someone to intervene but nobody did. he sighed, before starting a light jog down the dark street, running faster when nico threw a pebble at him.

“ _run_ _jason_!” he encouraged, _“go!_ _be with your kind!”_

“god i hope he trips and falls and we never hear from him again.” leo deadpans. nico gives him a look, like he knows that isn’t true, leo would lose it if jason got hurt. and then, maybe laugh a bit. (what? _pain. is. funny.)_

it’s frank’s turn, annabeth dares him to do as many push-ups he can with hazel sitting on top of him. hint, _it’s not many._

by the time jason came back, panting and sweaty and out of breath, it was nico’s turn to pick someone.

“jason.” he announced, “truth or dare?”

“what?” jason had his hands on his knees, looking up at him with disbelief. “i just got back.”

he doesn’t even blink. “yeah, i know. truth or dare.”

“dare.”

“okay. i dare you to give me twenty bucks.”

“what—?” jason looks incredulous and horrified at the same time, his eyes a flurry of emotions, but predominately a warm mauve-y disbelief.

“twenty bucks.” nico deadpans.

jason frowned, guarding his wallet. “i’m not giving you twenty bucks.”

nico shrugged. “your choice,” was what he said right before he casually walked over, raised his hand, and bitch slapped the fuck out of jason’s face. the slap left a resounding _WHAP!_

jason clutched his face. leo burst out laughing.

_ “AH FUCK— _ _why would yo_ u—“

“nico! we didn’t vote on _kiss or slap!”_

he stared blankly. “oh. thought that was how the game worked.”

leo can’t catch his breath—jason just looked so shocked, like a dumbass in the headlights. 

“leo! truth or dare?” hazel asks, to which he controls his laughter and lets out a stuttered _“dare”._

“i dare you to tell us the most embarrassing time you misunderstood a situation.”

thank you hazel, that really narrows it down. it’s not like 3/4 of his life could be applied to that question. “uhhh,” leo thinks out loud before pausing, cracking the knuckles of each of his fingers in a row, a nervous twitch. 

“jeez, did you have a little sumn’sumn’ to smoke or something?” piper smiled devilishly from across him. _no piper,_ his brain thinks, _im just slow._

ha. really showed her.

“oh,” a memory pops into his brain, something that happened around a year ago. “there was this one time this lady kept violently making hand signs and i thought she was dancing so i started dancing with her, cause y’know that’s what you _do_ , and so, uh,” he pauses for effect, “so turns out she was deaf.”

cue the collective head shakes and disappointed looks, besides nico. oddly, he was doing a weird grin-laugh thing, that was border-line psychotic chuckling. 

leo continued. “turns out she, like, wanted me to get away from her, and for a moment i thought she was making gang signs, so i asked her if she was crip.”

percy let the air out of his cheeks, shaking his head but smiling like an idiot at the same time.

“...and _thennn_ i realized she was deaf so uh, yeah. that was—that was it.” he wiped underneath his nose. 

“you’re horrible.” annabeth said, humor hiding between her words.

leo flicks her off with a smile. maybe the trip wouldn’t be so bad, this isn’t so bad....

leo felt...okay. maybe. he feels okay, and he feels—happy. _happy?_ maybe. 

_ maybemaybemaybehappymaybesadmaybe maybeitalwayspassessoquicklylikeaspeckinthewind _

it’s piper’s turn. she picks dare. she always picks dare.

percy pouts, then fixes his eyes with even more determination. “i dare you to pick truth.”

piper rolls her eyes, but concedes. “kay then. _truth.”_

“what’s the biggest secret you’re keeping for someone else?”

_“ooh”_ s sound out from the people around them. piper’s eyes went round, purple for nervous, and her mouth opened and closed for a few times.

leo didn’t think too much of the question, didn’t panic—until she glanced at him.

it was that quick, small glance she gave leo that made his blood ran cold. would she really....would she really....spill something about him like that? is this what a mini panic attack felt like? for the first time since the game started, leo’s on the edge of his seat, hoping, _praying_ for a slap.

piper doesn’t look him in the eyes. “pass. i’ll do the kiss or slap.”

there’s a few _“aw”_ s, but leo’s heart sinks down to a place more normal than before, he let out a small exhale, trying to quell that needle-like sensation in his chest.

she closes her eyes and a silent meeting is had.  communicated through frantic hand gestures and mouth movements, the group chooses kiss. then, they push jason forward.

no.

you’ve _got_ to be kidding.

jason stumbles forward, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. piper awaits, eyes closed but a nervous smile ticking her face. 

he crouches down, placing a careful hand on the edge of her chair, right before leaning in and placing his lips on top of hers.

leo didn’t think his heart could sink that much.

but it did, pulling with the weight of an anchor, leo felt like he could fall through center of the earth. 

but, she doesn’t know. jason knows, but she doesn’t know? it could be anybody, she doesn’t....

piper’s face moves back a minute before her eyes flick open in surprise, several emotions cross her eyes as she registers who’s kissing her; one of them being love.

red hot, fiery, passionate _love._

the worst thing is, she kisses back. it only lasted maybe four seconds, but it felt like a lifetime to leo. he watched as jason smiled into the kiss, a dimple pricking his cheek.

fuck.

that’s all his brain can come up with, just, _fuck._

leo can feel his eyes getting wet, and as inconspicuously as he could, he blinks back the early formations of tears. he should have never come here.

of course he would like her. a lot more than leo, at least. is that what _they_ had looked like kissing? happy and smiling and in love? 

no, jason and leo’s kiss looked like desperation, and pity. it looked like frustration and weakness, avoided conversations and fleeting glances. it tasted like apologies and regret. jason and leo’s kiss had been goodbye.

jason and piper’s kiss looked like hello.

in the midst of all this, the marshmallow he had been slow roasting caught on fire. instead of blowing it out, he let it drop into the pit, the gooey mess being quickly charred black and devoured by flames. 

fuck.

* * *

you know that feeling where, all of the sudden, the world catches up to you in a rush of colors flying like dying swans, and you’re left standing at the top of it all. and then, at the peak, you realize—life was never what you thought was.

it isn’t and it never has been. 

leo was having that feeling right now.  like peeling the innocence from a child, leo could see things he couldn’t before. and....

he didn’t talk to piper. though he had remained calm at the campfire, continuing to laugh at the right moments, posing dares when he had to—he didn’t miss the looks she gave him. clear blue worry and matcha green guilt swirling in her irises, she kept her head down and hidden from the others. 

leo saw the looks she gave him, and he let her see that he saw them. 

a day had passed. it went by two times as quick as normal, the sun seemed eager to lay to rest.

leo didn’t talk to _anyone_ really.

just, kept to himself. he played games on his phone all day, and didn’t retreat to the tent at sunset. 

instead, he plopped himself down on a grassy hill, overlooking a lake of sorts, it’s water glassy and reflecting the colors of the dying sunset above. there were specks of plastic and trash in the grass, and the registration center was a two minute walk away, but he was in real nature if you squint. he could still see their camp from there.

a joint played patty cake with his lips, smoke trailing out towards the water in ribbons. leo heard soft clomps in the grass coming towards him.

he wasn’t expecting who came. 

it was nico and annabeth surprisingly, they carried a half eaten bag of chips with them. annabeth had a scrape on her knee, probably from a hike by the looks of it. 

“yo.”

“sup”, nico said before taking a seat on the ground to his left, annabeth to his right. she passed him the bag of chips and then plucked the still lit joint from leo’s fingers, sucking a cloud out of it as sophisticatedly as she could. 

annabeth propped her back against her hiking bag on the ground, blonde curls splaying over the dark canvas. above, the night began to darken.

“so”, she started, taking another hit. “where have you been?”

leo shrugged. “mars.”

it’s not a real answer, and she doesn’t seem to take it as one either, but doesn’t press. beside him, nico loudly crunches a handful of chips. they’re salt and vinegar. 

annabeth’s eyes were a placid blue-gray. they looked calming. “you sorta secluded yourself since last night. nico told me why.”

leo quirked his brows at the dark haired boy beside him. “did he?”

nico scowled at him and rolled his eyes, making grabby hands for the joint which annabeth passes to him. “ _dude_ , you looked like someone had just slashed your tires. plus, what jason did was....kinda mean.”

how did...? he never told anybody. piper....? she...she wouldn’t have. 

“what are you talking about?”

“jason,” nico said, “he kissed piper, right in front of you.”

leo scoffed. “and why would i care who jason kisses? he can do what he wants.”

annabeth quirks her head. “but, you liked him in highschool, didn’t you?”

he whips his head around to face her. “i did not. jason’s a total ass.”

they all reverted back to silence. it was a weird combination; leo, annabeth, and nico. they never spent a lot of time with each other outside of the group. 

nico raised the joint to his lips, eyeing it suspiciously before hesitantly taking it in between his lips. he takes a breath in before pulling away from it and started coughing, short little bursts of smoke sputtering from his mouth. 

leo smirks. “inhale it, chico. you’re supposed to _inhale.”_

“s-sh—shut up.” he sputters, coughing the rest of it from his lungs. annabeth laughs beside him. 

he refused to give up on it. nico attempted another hit off of the joint, this time managing not to hack up an organ. in indignation to leo’s teasing, he blows the smoke out of his nose and flips him the bird.

leo rolls his eyes and started picking at the grass, it was a bit dewy, and he’s sure there would be a wet print on his shorts when he stood up. pretty soon, the gentle lull and smell of weed would blow to the rest of camp. 

“he did miss you though.” 

leo picks grass a little fiercer. “how do you know?”

nico shrugs nonchalantly, but his eyes don’t match his body language. he turns his head to look at leo, hair pushed back from his face, trying to gauge him. “....he sort of took me under his wing after high school. he always wanted to hang out and stuff. at first, i was like, _‘this is annoying, why me?’_ but after a while it was endearing.”

“yep, that’s jason,” leo rolls his eyes, _“annoyingly endearing.”_

“he‘s very clingy.” nico scrunched up his nose, “how did you deal with it all those years? he’s like a damn _koala_ —but, he helped me.”

“helped you what?”

“come out.”

this conversation took a sudden turn that he did not expect. leo stiffens. suddenly, he’s all too aware of annabeth’s calculating gaze on him. 

“jason was the first to know, always supported me and shit. he was the one who gave me the confidence to tell everyone that i was gay.”

“...you are?” leo whispered. it felt like lie, a joke. it felt like...leo had been cheated. 

“yeah.” nico took another lazy hit. “and i think i know why he helped me so much now. it was you.”

“what?” leo’s voice was small, he had wanted it to be louder. but it came out meek, unconfident. he could tell his eyes were blue, dark blue, like the uneasy waters deep in the ocean.

“i’m pretty sure, jason helped me because he didn’t help you back then. like, it was his own shitty, wack-ass way of making up for it. he couldn’t see you and make things better, so, he helped me instead. as annoying as it was—and _trust me_ i’ll never underestimate his ability to annoy ever _again—_ jason was really  dead-set on making sure i was okay. with myself. and i think i was sort of....” nico scratches his head, “....his leo replacement?”

he didnt speak. leo’s hands were threaded in the grass, so tight it felt like his knuckled would split. 

“....leo? hey, im not really good with people, so uh, if i said something wrong or upset you should _probably_ tell me...”

“how do you know about that.”

his voice was raspy, and quiet. a leo... _replacement...?_ jason had to replace him?

_ (are you fucking with me right now?) _

annabeth sat up. she picked at her cuticles with apprehension. “i....it was sorta obvious, what happened. and then after highschool, jason came around and....”

“he....told you.” leo realized. he’s dwindling now, though of _what_ leo doesn’t know. all he knows is that he’s _losing._ jason _told_ them. he...he—

“no. no he didn’t tell us.” nico assured. “he was just acting weird. mopey. he started asking things, like _‘how do you turn someone down’_ and _‘how long does it take to fall out of love_ ’ and whatever. it wasn’t hard to connect the dots, we had been doing it since highschool.”

leo stares for a moment before holding his head in hands, covering his eyes, with his elbows resting on his knees. _great_ , jason hadn’t told them, _he was just as transparent as glass._ and a fucking idiot. both things he already knew. “oh my god....”

leo flopped down on his back, arms limp and splayed out with defeat. 

“pass the blunt.”

* * *

it was summertime.

_finally_ , is what piper said. she had finals the whole month of may, and every time she came home leo grew a little more concerned for her well being. piper had looked like a zombie, one that wore their hair in messy buns and wore the same digimon t-shirt for a week. and when all her finals were all over, she took all of leo’s weed and just had herself _a day_.

summer started out rainy, but after the rain, the heatwave rolled in, _oh boy, did it roll in_. it was the kind of summer that made air-conditioners quiver in their units and transformed even the most modest person to a tanktop-and-booty-shorts-wearing _hooligan._

even with the heat, leo was trying to be squeeze every ounce out of summer he could get his sweaty little hands on. he promised to start school with piper next semester; a promise that was looking harder to keep with each passing day. 

they were okay, leo and piper. 

after what happened at the campfire, something made her come to her senses, and armed with a few tequila shots and a desperation to get her best friend back she apologized to him in a flurry of tears. leo told her it was alright; jason was never _his_ , but he didn’t say jason could be _hers_ either. he could never part with piper anyways, might as well suck it up and make-up to get it over with. 

he remembers asking her if she liked jason. he _also_ remembers her saying no.

which he knew wasn’t true, and he told her that too. piper liked jason, as much as she tried to hide it for leo’s sake. but piper didn’t need to worry about leo, he had gotten over jason long ago. long ago....

so yeah, piper and leo were okay, but piper and jason was _weird._

they were in some sort of relationship limbo, where leo can catch their hands brushing when they thought they nobody was watching or the longing looks they gave each other when one of their backs was turned, but they weren’t actually....dating. at least that’s what piper told him.

leo told her jason better not break her heart, or he _better_ get insurance because _little jasey-wasey_ won’t have _tires or brakes if he does._

now, leo swayed his hips, dancing laughably bad to the music playing on the radio. annabeth watched bemusedly from where she sat on a workshop table, swaying her head to the beat. 

they had been hanging out more since—leo and annabeth....actually, he hung out with everyone a little more. 

the workshop smelled like metal and fresh plastic, an odd combination, but he was used to it. a gentle breeze barely wafted through the heat, powered by a big metal fan whining with effort in the back.

he cranked up the volume on the radio and TLC played even louder, mouthing the words dramatically. it reminded him of times when piper used to play this music, in her car with the windows down and leo hanging out of the sunroof, screaming along to the lyrics...

when she used to wear her sweatpants low on her hips, instead of hiked up to her waist like she does now, and she would wear cheap mood rings and snack on cherry ring-pops that stained her lips red, leaving the plastic to hang grossly on her finger afterwards. huh. leo pauses in his step. ( _i guess piper changed too....)_

“—eo!” 

he can faintly hear annabeth calling his name over the music, like a little ant....

_ “—i know—y—can hear—me!”  _

leo sighs and spins the dial downwards. annabeth just cut of left eye’s solo verse, this had better be important. 

“what?” he snapped.

annabeth held up her phone. “the girls just invited me to a night out, they said you could come too.”

“to a _girl’s_ night out?”

“you’re an honorary guest?” she added, even though that was _absolutely_ not in the text she got and was _absolutely_ just saying it so leo would go.

he narrows his eyes at her, wondering if this was a jab at his wavering sexuality. either way, he didn’t really mind going.

“mkay. didn’t really have anything to do anyways.”

annabeth texts them back, leo cranks back up the TLC.

* * *

he thought girl’s night out would be more like _‘sexy drinking at a bar and throwing it back in a congo line’,_ not _‘meeting up in a drab bowling alley and wait for their order of cheese fries to show up’._

leo is both upset and appalled. 

nonetheless, he trades in his sneakers for bowling shoes and heads to where the bowling balls are kept.

hm.

_hmmm_. 

leo picks up a thirteen pound ball before _immediately_ setting it back down, all the ways he could drop this on his foot and die circulating his head. he picks up a six pound ball instead.

their table is small and red, a metal bracket going along the edge makes it look pretty retro. next to it, annabeth is already typing in their names on the interface; leo waits patiently, like a _good_ honorary guest.

_“_ oh my god is that—leo, how many pounds is your ball?” piper put a hand over her mouth to stop herself from smiling.

“what?” leo flipped the ball around, “it’s a six?”

she lets out a long nose exhale and looks particulary amused at this fact. leo stands there, holding the ball like an idiot, not knowing what he did wrong.

“a six? leo, honey....” annabeth.

“i think a six is perfectly fine!” hazel.

“pfft. if he _was_ six.” _anddddd_ piper. 

leo somberly drags his feet back to the bowling ball rack, hazel tugging on his arm the whole way, trying to convince him a six was a socially acceptable bowling ball weight.

he picks up a ten. this poses a substantially larger threat to his foot. 

leo finds out that he’s not so great at bowling.

he ends the first round with a score of forty-six, and it was made entirely out of spares or gutter balls, with not a lot of in-between. piper, on the other hand, was doing notably better at the game. this invoked a hunger for vengeance on his part.

leo used tactics to throw her off; he would dance around her, or yell her name really loud when she was just about to throw the ball, or even try to control it with his mind and make it veer of course.

the last one works surprisingly well. leo considers a new job as a psychic.

at one point in the game, leo noticed a family one lane over had their child using a dinosaur-shaped stand to help the bowling ball go down. the kid wasn’t using it and so....

leo, maybe, _hypothetically_ —stole it.

he rolled his ball down the dinosaur granny style and watched it knock down three pins. hazel threatened to go make him apologize.

they took a break halfway through the second round, because hazel was starting to kick everyone’s ass and annabeth wouldn’t stop mumbling about cheese fries. they ordered a few baskets to quell her.

she was right, the cheese fries were good. very good. they were _‘everyone at my table has suddenly turned into a piranha’_ kind of good. 

though, annabeth and piper are sharing looks and glancing at something behind his shoulder, and that, to leo, is _not_ good. he lowers his head.

“what are we looking at?” he whispers. 

piper’s lips cuve into a smile and her eyes gleam with mischief. “don’t look now, but there’s totally someone checking you out in lane seven.”

needless to say, leo looks.

he whips around in his swivel chair and jumps when he makes eye contact with a young dude, probably around his age, with brown mixed-ish skin and closely cropped twists. his eyes widen at leo and oh _fuck_ oh _shit_ _he looked—_

leo swivels his chair right the fuck back around. “why didn’t you warn me?!” he whisper shouts to piper, who throws up her hands incredulously. annabeth guards her cheese fries from getting smacked by her hands. 

_ “i told you not to look!” _

“i didn’t know you actually _meant_ it! it’s me—you _know_ i always look.” leo snatches a fry and stressfully chews it.

“how do we know he’s looking at me? i mean you guys are right there. he’s probably, like, _‘wow, look at the one lucky guy at a table with four total hotties.’_ yeah, he’s definitely not looking at me.”

annabeth glances behind him again. “he’s been stealing looks at you the whole game.”

“the whole—?” leo crosses his arms, “great, if i get kidnapped i’m blaming y’all.”

every pair of eyes looks at him. the table is silent.

leo huffs. “what?”

hazel twirls a curl around her finger. “well, aren’t you going to talk to him?”

no. why would he do that? no....

the realization that everyone already knows he likes guys is setting in, and it’s setting in _fast_. did they know it before leo did? i mean, he used to just think he was jason-sexual. but now, everyone was just _assuming_ he was down for dudes like it was common knowledge, but he hadn’t ever confirmed it.

and again, annabeth glances behind him. he sits still as a stone as if to stop his body from instinctively turning around. 

“i don’t want to talk to him, that would be weird. besides—“ all of the girls eyes widened at something behind him, leo flat-out _refused_ to turn his head. “it’s probably because im so bad at bowling, or like, he’s trying to figure out if you guys kidnapped me or not—“

piper made a _‘cut it out’_ motion with her hand, moving it across her throat in quick motions. leo’s eye’s widened and he realized _just_ as a voice sounded from behind him. 

“kidnapped? i was just trying to see what’s up over here, haha.”

leo slowly spun around in his chair, french fry frozen in his hand. the man, ” _t_ _wists”_ as leo has been calling him in his head, was standing right behind him, a small smile on his face.

it takes a moment for his mouth to catch up with his brain. “ _wha_ —i, what are...? _uh_ —fuck, let me start over. i wasn’t kidnapped?”

to leo’s surprise, he laughs—a warm chuckle that makes twist’s lips spread and his eyes crinkle at the edges. his nose doesn’t scrunch like jason’s.

twist gestures to the bowling alley, where all of the pins stood perfectly upright, waiting for someone to strike. “i just wanted to match a name to the person who did three granny shots in a row and nearly threw the ball into the ceiling. don’t think i didn’t catch that by the way, the employees were practically biting their nails.”

leo smiles and scratches his head sheepishly. “uh, yeah, sorry about that. i’m leo, by the way.”

....he ended up taking the strangers number, who’s name was not twist, and was actually antonio. 

they left shortly after, and as soon as the doors shut behind them, leo exploded.

“what was that for?!”

piper’s eyes flashed orange with shock. “what do you mean?”

“ugh. you guys totally made me take that dude’s number. what am i supposed to _do_ with it? _im not even—_ this is leading him on.”

“i thought you would like him leo—“

“well—!” he made a frustrated noise and hit his palms together, not able to express what he was feeling.

annabeth’s eyes went cold. “i thought you had this stuff all figured out, but clearly i was wrong. i had a nice night, but i’m going home. text me when you’re done being an ass.”

she stalked off towards her car and hazel trailed behind rather reluctantly, glancing back frequently. piper was left standing beside leo, watching annabeth’s tail lights fade into the distance. 

“she has my wallet in her purse.” piper said.

“yeah.” leo blew air from his nose. “...she has my work bag in her backseat.”

“yeah.” the girl finished glumly.

leo had not ridden here with piper, but he joined her in her car. the drive home was mostly silent, he tapped his fingers on the car door to fill in the void.

“he didn’t even know.” leo opened the console and dug around for the little container of tic-tacs he knew she kept in her car. 

“what?”

“he didn’t know, that i— _y’know_....liked uh...”

piper sighed, slowing her driving to allow more concentration for her words. “you can say it, leo. everyone’s already proven we don’t mind. you like...?”

she waited for him to finish the statement. leo popped a tic-tac. it was red flavored.

“....i like....soft hair. and blue eyes,” leo didn’t need to glance at piper to know she was giving him a confused look, “muscle-y figures, but also soft stomachs. i like gentle features but also sharp jawlines....i like tall, but sometimes it makes me feel too small. i like easy going people, who know how to take jokes, but also they don’t, like...they let me know i’m loved, y’know? i kinda need someone who’s open about their feeling since i’m about as socially inept as a snail.”

piper snorts, holding her hand out for a tic-tac. leo pours her some. “i just....can’t help that guys also fit those descriptions. and i didn’t used to like that they did....i shouldn’t blame you guys so much. it’s more of an internal battle than an external battle, to be fair.”

piper is silent. leo wonders if he said too much—and suddenly it feels like all his feelings are caught in his throat, cause he just _said_ them _out loud_ and somebody _heard_ them and _processed them—_

he gags. “ _ew_. feelings. remind me never to have them again.”

piper is quick to speak. “no! _no_ , i like when you talk about your feelings. it’s like a once a year kind of treat for me. so....is this supposed to be you finally admitting that....?”

leo slumps in his car seat and rolls his eyes. “ _yes_. i, leo valdez, like guys— _boys_....men. sometimes.”

piper looks like she just won the prize from a claw machine she’s been trying to get for years, her eyes gleen yellow. 

“finally,” she croons, “it has been said, _the oath has been made!”_

“okay, that’s enough.”

“you’re now a full fledged gay, ready to fluff it’s wings and _fly from the nest—“_

“—alright that’s taking it too far—“

“will it fly? or will it flop into the seas of endless tinder dates and hookups on my couch—?“

“shut up!” leo pulls against his seatbelt and tries to concince his hands not to strangle piper by the throat. “take me to mcdonalds. i earned it.”

and earned it he did. piper turned into their local mcdonalds and let leo go inside while she waited in the car for a minute. 

he tries to ignore how she starts excitedly texting the moment he steps out of the car.

* * *

“jason, stop.”

“stop what?”

“ugh, you’re so annoying. i said _stop.”_

jason did not stop. he happily continued swirling the ice-cream spoon around in his mouth, the most disgusting way to eat ice-cream in leo’s opinion.

actually, in leo’s opinion, _everything_ about jason’s ice cream was gross. it’s pecan flavored— _who the actual fuck likes pecan flavored things?_ not only that, but the only toppings it had were crushed frosted flakes and pomegranate bits. jason does not deserve rights.

he poises his spoon in front of leo’s ice-cream. “can i try some of yours?”

_no._ “yeah sure,” leo said, “don’t get your slobber all over it.”

jason happily scoops some of his ice-cream into his mouth, doing that gross spoon-twirly thingy, then makes a face.

“what?”

“dude, that’s gross.”

leo scoffs. “says the man with _pecan_ flavored ice-cream topped with _goddamn pomegranate_. you have no taste.”

“it’s better than that monstrosity,” he gestured to leo’s cup, which was several different flavors mixed together, ranging from chocolate to cotton-candy crunch, topped with as many toppings menchie’s would allow him. “i think that could actually kill somebody.”

leo eats a bite of his concoction. “only one way to find out.”

as he’s eating the ice cream, leo thinks about the fact that jason had put his spoon in it just a few moments ago. he was, technically, second-hand kissing him this way. the fact makes him smile giddily to himself. 

_no, stop._ leo scolds himself for thinking like a second grader.

jason watched this silent dilema with an amused smile. leo always had something going on in his head, whether the rest of the world was in on the joke or not. but then, jason could not meet his eyes all of the sudden. he blushes and turns his head away.

leo only caught a glimpse of it, but he thought he saw jason’s eyes turn red for a second.

huh.

suspiciously, he goes back to eating his ice-cream. 

* * *

**jayjayjeejaajoojoo:** Hey. Can I come over right now? It’s sorta raining and I left my house key somewhere.

_ oh sure ig _

_ pipers here but shes asleep _

_ let urself in _

**jayjayjeejaajoojoo:** I don’t have a key, Leo.

_ ok ill let u in _

_ get in here _

_ i can tell piper to wake up if u wnt _

**jayjayjeejaajoojoo:** No that’s okay. She needs sleep.

_ not rlly she sleep throo most her life _

_ but whtevr _

leo clicks his phone off when he hears a knock on the door. when he opens it, the sound of rain and distant thunder is louder than before. 

jason stood in the doorway outside leo and piper’s apartment, with windswept hair and raindrop-polka-dotted clothes, a sheepish smile fixed on his face. leo waves him in.

“thanks for that.” jason strips off his jacket and puts it on the counter, since piper and leo didn’t have a coat racket, and didn’t plan on getting one any time soon. 

“it’s no problem. i thought storms were kind of your thing though.”

“i like them, but i wanted to be here more.”

oh. leo hummed at that, before letting himself fall backwards on their coach. it was ugly and corduroy and green, like, _chartreuse green,_ but he loved it all the same. it was safe. 

“what you wan’ do? i know you said you’on wanna wake piper up, but that’s probably why you’re here so....”

jason sighed, long and frustrated; it was not jason’s normal sigh, which was quiet and subdued, overworked. it made leo tense up.

“i didn’t come here because i want to see piper,” he said, “i came because it’s storming and i can’t find my keys, remember?”

leo wants to say something snarky to that, but stops himself. almost.

“but aren’t you guys, like, a thing? or—trying to be?” leo struggled to lift his head from the couch, and he used his elbows.

“no.” jason grabbed water from their fridge, but paused in his step. “yes?”

stomping his way to their ugly couch, jason scowled. “i don’t know. i don’t think i really want to, piper is like a friend to me.”

leo nods. he doesn’t really know what to say, and he searches up netflix on the TV to fill the silence, but jason’s hand stops him and lowers the remote.

“can we just stay like this for a minute?” jason says, looking conflicted with himself, before shaking his head. “sorry. if you want to watch netflix that’s fine, go ahead.”

leo doesn’t make a move for the remote. instead, he softly turns towards jason, putting his hand over his, larger, and paler hand. “what’s wrong jay?” he asks softly.

jason doesn’t answer at first. it’s silent, and leo can hear the rain coming down outside. jason’s eyes are a sad, sad light lavender. it’s looks wrong on him—leo’s eyes being gray looks so natural on him, but jason’s being light purple? it’s just _wrong._

“i’m confused.” jason breathes, before lurching forward and resting his head on leo’s shoulder. leo doesn’t know what to do; he pats the man’s back awkwardly, before resolving to lay his hand there, occasionally tapping or drawing circles. he can feel jason’s breath in the crook of his neck. 

“about what, jason? we—we may not have started out so good this y-year, but....you’re my friend. even if i hate it.”

he can feel the tiny exhale that was jason’s laugh and the blonde shifts upwards so he can look at leo—his eyes are wide, and a dark, sultry red. 

“i don’t know.” he said. “but i think i’m starting to like you a whole lot more than i’d planned.”

leo’s eyes blew wide and his hands trembled like a leaf in the raging storm outside. he looked down at the ratty green fabric of the couch and didn’t let his eyes up. 

“get out.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok now youve seen how long it was and understand how unorthodox it would have been if i posted that on the prompt fic 😌😌
> 
> editing me: this fookin idiot..,,it sounds like shit yeh?
> 
> (if you were hoping for a just let me breathe update this week, i am so sorry, but sweetie, its probably not happening. i had to scrape this together as it is :))) 
> 
> lets see who can find all the metaphors i slapped into here, tell me if you think you found one and i will give you *one* gold star.


	3. what you saw in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they’ve got their whole lives ahead of this, leo figures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall....its been two months.
> 
> to anyone who actually believed me when i said i was posting this all in three days, i am so so sorry. pftTT OMG ITS NOT FUNNY. its not. omllll  
> 😭😭 (im laughing im so so so sorry)
> 
> a couple notes:
> 
> UNO- okay so far this story has been strictly in leo’s pov (third person techniclly but whatver) and this chapter instead starts with jason’s 3rd person pov in highschool. kindof a flashback thing. it will change back to leo’s perspective though, just a warning.
> 
> DOS- i realized this week that i’ve been using “it’s” and “its” wrong my entire life, so sorry if i ever butchered your eyes. um. yeah ❤️.
> 
> TRES- dis one goes out for leovaldez—yes you. bitch i know you readin this note (maybe-) anyway thank you for reminding me to finish this fuckery ✨✨

_3RD PERIOD SCIENCE, SECOND SEMESTER, SEVENTH GRADE:_

“—with marty.”

“philip with....” the teacher drew another stick and reads off the name—“dina.”

jason waited patiently for his name to be called. he hopes he gets someone good for the group project, because if he doesn’t he’ll end up doing all the work himself, and that’s just....dismal. it’s happened to him a few times before, and people tell him to just report his group members, but he never does. jason never wants anyone to get in in trouble. 

the teacher draws another name. “and piper mcclean with.....” he draws the other name but falters, “nevermind. were going to redraw.”

instantly, a girl with tan, sunkissed skin and long brown hair shot out of her seat like a rocket, almost in tandem with an equally tan boy with a head full of brown curls. they crept up behind the teacher, who scowled at them.

jason knows them— _everybody knows them_ —it’s piper and leo.

“ah, ah, _ah_! not so fast!” the girls taunts while the boy snatches the stick out of his hand. he reads it, then triumphantly thrusts it up in the air, grinning like a madman. 

“IT’S MY NAME! aha—!”

jason stifles a laugh as his teacher’s face went beet red and he flusters. “you two are not supposed to be parters—you’ll have my lab a wreck in _minutes!”_

leo grinned and held the stick in front of him. “hey, _you_ pulled the sticks buddy. were partners—fair and square.” 

he proudly displayed the stick with a scrawled _“L. VALDEZ”_ on it to the class, who laughed and agreed, pestering the old man.

“fine.” he said, drawing another stick with more force than needed, “but you’re taking an extra partner.—jason, you’ll keep them in check for me, okay?”

jason’s ears burned. “u-um, yeah. sure.”

“good.”

_not good_. very not good. 

once everyone’s names were pulled, leo and piper drew in on him, looking akin to sharks circling their prey.

but shockingly, piper set down her notebook with a _smile_. her teeth are full of multi-color braces, and her eyes sparkled hazel with yellow highlights.“hey, i’m piper.”

“i know.” jason says—before wanting to jump off a cliff. a very, very sheer cliff. _(now i’m coming off creepy. why didn’t i just say hi? for heaven’s sake why didn’t i just say—)_

beside her, the boy gave him a peace sign. unlike piper’s straight princess locks, his hair was like a curly lampshade over his face, unruly and defiant; jason could imagine catching a glimpse of his big, dark circled  eyes under the curls _righttttt_ before his demise. 

his irises were a bit of a desaturated brown. he looked more skeptical of him than piper. the boy tilts his head slightly, mouth nowhere near a smile, piercing jason with his gaze. “leo.”

jason nods, still not recovered from his while ‘ _i know’_ situation. he gulps. _here goes nothing._

“hi,” he introduced, “i’m jason.”

* * *

leo and piper are not known for their studiousness and academic skill.

if anything, they’re known for accumulating the most amount of detentions together, or maybe the time they planted glitter bombs in every second floor locker, _or_ the time they replaced every faculty photo with pictures of sporadically photoshopped rotisserie chickens. which was, to say, an odd but beloved prank. 

(he distinctly remembers their principle’s to have a little snapback hat on it, as well as big hoop earings, and painted pink talons)

so, to be fair, jason should have expected less than ample help on the project. nonetheless, he wasn’t too upset about it.

afterall, he had a place to sit at lunch now.

jason had quickly became friends with the duo when they started their project, and though he wouldn’t pull pranks, or antagonize teachers, or do any of their infamous _leo-piper things;_ he could make them laugh (which always felt so rewarding), he could bring leo food from his home, and fix piper’s bracelets when they fell apart, he could call their names out in attendance when they weren’t in class.....

they just sort of....fit together. like a shape puzzle. jason fits into piper fits into leo. that simple.

that’s why when piper had bombarded him while walking to fourth period, he didn’t immediately freak out the way you would any _normal_ kidnapping.

he took her hands off his mouth, cheeks heating up dangerously. “what are you doing?”

piper grinned. “follow me.”

this seemed important, so jason did.

she brought him to a plain wooden door in an almost completely empty hallway. (an eighth grade hallway, jason noted.  they were all in their classes at the moment). piper looks at him before making a show of opening the door and pushing him in. 

it’s dark for a moment before piper finds the light; it’s a storage closet, untouched for a while by the looks of it. shelfs of extra glue bottles and textbooks line the small confines, which also include leo, sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor, also wearing an evil grin.

jason puts his hand on his hips. “okay, what is this? ‘cause i have to get to class soon, so make it quick, because i am _not_ being late.”

piper clasps her hands together in a business proposition type stance. “were asking you to be our third.” she said proudly. 

“third?”

“third amigo!” piper said, gesturing to herself, leo, then lastly—jason.

“we were going to pick connor— _you know,_ stoll?” leo said, “since he’s our friend already, but, he’s also an eigth grader, so he’s scary. plus, he would leave us next year.”

“ _and_ we figured he would have probably added to our detention problem, and we needed someone who could act as a coolant to that and wasn’t.... y’know....” piped trailed.

“so,” leo tucks a curl behind his ear. he doesn’t seem as sure about this decision as piper was, jason thinks piper and him may have argued over it.of the part of his face that wasn’t covered by curls, leo wouldn’t meet jason’s eyes. “we picked you.”

“to be your third?” jason asks.  he gets a nod. “wait, to be—like, leo-piper- _jason?”_

another nod. 

he could feel his jaw drop. all the sudden, class seems so much less important to jason. 

* * *

piper had a boat.

or, piper’s _dad_ had a boat. a big one, complete with a bamboo deck and a cozy inside suite. it made for the perfect spring break getaway—before, sadly, they had to return to the eighth grade.

jason was no stranger to privilege, but leo was, and every now and then he could catch him looking at the whole thing with quiet anger, or amazement. it was kinda funny, how every time a compartment opened up to show some professional radio system or some other uniqueness, he would take a little step back, his eyes would widen, and he would then proceed with curiosity. 

“woah, is that a dolphin do you think?”

piper leaned over the boat railing to gaze out into the open blue, feet dangling off the cushion behind her.  she wore black shorts for her swimsuit bottom, but her top was still a red bikini. jason blushed the same color as the top when he first saw it. it revealed so much of her unblemished tan skin. 

jason peered over the edge. “well we are in the _ocean_ you know. that’s kinda where dolphins like to hang.”

she pinched him for the comment. 

jason peered up. the sun was starting to feel hotter than it used to, almost stinging his skin and sticking to it. jason pondered asking piper know if she felt the same, but she didn’t seem to. he holds his tongue.

leo emerged from the hub of the boat, carrying a plate of bite-sized watermelon cubes, a daunted and scared look on his face. 

he stops in front of them, shoving the watermelon tray into jason’s hands, turning to piper. “piper, your mom is insane.”

“is not.

“she made me learn how to cut watermelon with _dental floss.”_

“yeah. it’s _innovation_ —like you would know what that means.” 

piper rolls her eyes at leo and turns to jason, squinting at his face. “—jase, you’re getting sunburned. ugh—sometimes i forget you’re as white as paper.”

jason touches the back of his neck and his fingers leave a slight ghost pain. oh. he’s....burning. 

while being with piper and leo, he almost forgets his skin does that, their skin doesn’t seem to even bat an eye at the heat. jason looks down at his arms; they’re a shade pinker than usual.

piper gets up and jason refrains from watching her walk into the hub—not because he would be looking at her _like that,_ no no _of course not_ , it’s to prevent anyone from _thinking_ he was.

beside him, leo watched jason’s little internal battle, and bites his lip. 

in his daze, jason does not have the time to react when a bottle of sunscreen is thrown at him. leo snorts at him.

“thanks.” jason trys to sound miffed but he breaks it with a laugh. 

“no prob,” piper says. “leo, wanna see if fish like watermelon?”

“of _course_ they’re gonna like watermelon, little fuckers....”

jason squirts some of the sunscreen into his hand, and rubs it on his back. he tries to get every inch of his skin, but frankly, that’s a lot of surface area. 

meanwhile, leo and piper had forgetten trying to feed the fish, and moved onto the tactic of _catching_ them. this meant they had tied a clear string around a small cube of watermelon, with the _intent_ of plopping it in the water, but instead ended up laughing hysterically at the sad little cube as it flopped along the deck, leaving a trail of juice as piper puppeteered it around. 

_ (“we should name it melly—aw, look at stupid little melly, flopping around the deck like a stupid little piece of watermelon—“ _

_ the watermon flopped sadly. piper howls with laughter and hops around.  _

_ “leo ohmygod—IM GONNA PEE!”) _

all while this is happening, jason still can’t figure out the mystery that is sunscreen. and when piper got back from the bathroom from laugh-induced pee attack, she fixed him with a look. “jason, sweetie, you’re not rubbing it in. look, it’s all streaky.”

“huh?” he turns around and paws at his back. piper rolls her eyes. “you idiot. you’re missing like a half of your back. leo—go help him.”

leo jumped, eyes looking surprised and a bit uncertain. he flicks his gaze over to jason, who passes the boy the bottle of sunscreen.

leo pauses over the jason’s back, staring blankly at the skin. theres a mess of halfway-rubbed in sunscreen over the slightly pink skin of his back, and in the middle there’s an abnormal shape of pink where jason’s hand could not reach. his fingers hesitate over it. 

leo lightly puts his fingers on jason’s back, barely moving the suncreen before he backed away completely. 

leo’s cheeks were darkened slightly, more red than before. jason wonders if maybe he had begun to burn too.

“nah, i’m good.” leo threw around causually, though he wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes. “i take joy in seeing you suffer so, sucks i guess.”

“yeah. that’s a _you-problem.”_ piper chimed in.

jason pouts. he reaches back and attempts to rub the sunscreen some more, but when he leaves the boat for the day, he still has an oddly shaped sunburn, with the print of small gentle fingers in the middle. 

* * *

what happens after school is a toss of the dice.

some days, rare days, they would all part ways separately, walking quick with their hoods up and earbuds in, avoiding talking to each other, probably because either;

1\. leo did something stupid.

2\. piper _said_ something stupid.

3\. jason got them in trouble, intentionally or not, and they _call him_ stupid. 

are we sensing a pattern?

they all had their moments. but, most of the time, jason would walk happily down the sun-bleached sidewalks with his two best friends, whether they wanted to stay after school, crash out in the compound, or go the movies. 

jason was almost always free afterschool. he made sure of it. 

some days, it was just piper and leo, though. 

and others, it was only piper and jason.

but never jason and leo. to reasons unknown to jason, leo always had something to do when it was just them, and they weren’t in class. it was like a statistical anomaly, or something.

jason smiled down at the ground, watching how his shoes picked up again and again. today was not one of those days.

on the corner of the block diagonal to their school, they was a convenience store they frequented often. it was a common after school destination, (or, as jason suspected for piper and leo, a mid-school-day destination too). 

the musty smell of old doughnuts and windex greets his nose as they enter, the doors clicking behind them. the cashier barely batted an eye at the trio, just called out a quick welcoming and lazily flipped another magazine page. 

jason knew the workers by name at this point—this was _viejo julio,_ who works monday’s, tuesday's, and friday's. 

(he remembers that only because leo told him. apparently, old man julio had a habit of falling asleep around five p.m on his shift, and leo treats himself to free warm-up hotdogs and taquitos on the week days.)

he didn’t always ‘get it’

when piper and leo showed him the store before, it was hard to be impressed. but now? jason _gets it._

he finds his way to a stand of beefsticks.

“hey, leo, you want a slimjim? they're buy one get one.”

leo glances back from the cold section, scrunching up his face. “ew. hell no.”

jason clutched the beef sticks protectively. “ _no?_ what did the beef sticks ever do to you? they’re sticks of meat for _less than a dollar.”_

“jase, there’s a reason those are on sale.” piper chirped as she brisked past him to the gum aisle.

_hmph_. jason gets the slimjims anyways.

he starts looking for other snacks when he peeks out to catch an actual glimpse of piper in the gum aisle. she’s crouched down, her head doesn’t move, but her eyes do, glancing down the aisles to see if anyone was watching.

nobody was. she gets up swiftly and nearly bumps into jason as he steps out into the aisle, her eyes flashing light, lilac purple with panic before it subsided to relief at the realization that _it was jason._

“just let me pay for it.”

piper frowns and holds her gaze for a moment longer before relenting with a sigh. leo watches with mild interest from the drinks aisle. 

sliding two packs of spearmint gum out of her hoodie sleeves, piper slaps them into his hands, and you wouldn’t have known she had them if she hadn’t. 

“okay, _money man_. way to take the fun out of things.” glancing back with a lazy grin, piper looks to leo to back her up. 

leo stands stiffly frozen in place, energy drink and doritos in hand. subconsciously, he pulls his curls down in front of his eyes in case they betrayed him.

um. um um um. leo fiddled with the cap to his energy drink, letting the cheap plastic ridges scrape his fingers. “h-haven’t you ever heard of swiper no swiping, piper?” he said with a nervous laugh, “or didn’t you have cable?”

there’s an obvious hint of confusion in piper’s eyes, but she rolls her eyes and laughs anyway, sauntering up to the register and setting the gum on the counter.

jason have leo a brief, genuine close-lipped smile before going to pay for the snacks.

the boy closed his eyes and smiled down at his hands golding the drink and chip bag, unable to stop the bashful flutterings of his heart.

* * *

shaved ice was sorta their thing. a jasonpiperleo thing.

sure, it was a mile walk from the school. and _sure_ , their backpacks weighed twenty pounds. none of that ever stopped them from making their weekly hike down to _kekoa’s_ _ice_ in downtown, slugging down the hot sidewalks like the damn locals they were.

_kekoa’s_ was a small hawaiian mom and pop shop, though nobody ever really saw _“mom and pop”_. they theorized the store was probably a mob front—but at least the old mobster people had good taste in shaved ice.

jason always got the same flavor—tiger’s blood, which _sounds_ gross, but he swore it wasn’t. it was a mixture of coconut, cherry and watermelon. or was it strawberry? hmm.....

....leo never got one set flavor; he chose a new flavor every week, always changing, probably just to annoy jason at this point. 

meanwhile, piper would get anything with enough dye to turn her tongue funky colors. 

“ _jason,_ it’s _hot_ ,” leo whined, “here—take it.”

leo passes him his backpack. it’s black and dirty, and one of the straps was already half-way ripped off, due to the way leo exclusively carried his bag on one shoulder. (jason wore his on two. sometimes, he even clicked the buckle in the front.)

he threw the bag over his shoulder. leo skipped ahead happily. 

“hmm,” piper hummed. she scooped a spoonful of electric green ice into her mouth. _“we ‘ave to do-sumsing’ dis ummer’.”_

“what?” 

piper’s speech was too garbled for him to understand. leo seemed to get the message perfectly though.

“i know right.” he sighed. jason turned to piper in confusion.

she gives him am amused look, her mouth opening to reveal white, brace-free teeth. (she got them off two months ago, but sometimes it still looked weird to jason). 

she swallowed. “i _said_ , we have to do something this summer.” she pauses. “we should raise hell.”

leo gave a little _hurrah!_ for that before backtracking a little, looking to jason with eyes that seemed to ask for his opinion.

they’ve raised quite enough hell in jason’s opinion. he can vividly remember a pissed off piper from only a week ago, shouting _“bitch imma’ kill you!”_ after some girl in the hallway. he forgot what she did to invoke her wrath....

jason shrugs. “okay. that’s the vaguest plan ever, though.”

leo agrees with him. 

a few more minutes of walking, and they pass a basketball court. it’s small, a rusty fence surrounding the it. but jason only acknowledges it because _leo_ is looking at it.

or rather, he’s staring at the group of boys playing on it. 

they look a couple years older than jason, a few are shirtless, a few are just sitting on the bench. there might have been seven of them. 

“you wanna play or something?”

leo’s head snaps over to jason, his eyes flash dark navy blue for only the slightest moment. “um, no i was just—i mean, if _you_ want to.”

“sure,” jason challenges, “but if i beat you, you owe me a drink.”

“i don’t owe you shit, money bags.”

“do my spanish homework?” jason suggests. it’s not cheating if no one catches you, he learned.

leo nods. “and you do my english.”

they wave over piper and she joins them. 

...what they learn is, even after _years_ of gym, they all still suck _pretty bad_ at basketball. 

shooting hoops? _easy as pie._ they’ve played knock-out more times than jason can count. it’s muscle memory.

but, working as a team? passing the ball? fake outs? _not so much._

piper ends up beating them both, to the other group of kids amusement. and with flair, too. she passed the boys sharp looks as she crushed jason and leo in basketball. their jaws dropped. even with her newly chopped hair and baggy jeans—she was still a knockout.

jason holds back a smile. piper could probably blow them over with just the flip of her hair.

after the game, leo layed down in the middle of the court, arms splayed out, chest heaving with effort.

“ _fuckkkk_. i’m dying. i see a light. need....water.... jason, get the water from my backpack.”

he does. it’s a plastic water bottle that looks like it had been refilled many times. he passes it to the boy.

leo attempts to drink the water, before choking, and then just letting it pour over his face. jason sits next to him. piper continues shooting the ball around, more lazily than before.

a few of the boys from the other group came over, squinting down at them. 

leo has a skinny arm over his eyes to keep the sun out. even so, he still must have seen them. “sup.”

“so,” one of the shirtless boys began. he has dark skin layered with a sheen of sweat, black gym shorts, and a red bandana wrapped around his forehead. he glances to where piper was. “which one of yall does _she_ belong to?”

he looks at jason when he said it. jason says his prayers for the boy as piper waltz over, hips swaying, a faded basketball under her arm. 

“name’s piper, and i don’t belong to anyone.”

the boy has a look of pleasant surprise on his face. he smiles at her. “alright then, piper. how’d you and your friends like to join our game?”

they accept the offer. 

the game is short, because while piper was good, she’s not _that_ good. jason and leo mostly goof around as well, so that didn’t help.

but it was fun, because while intimidating at first, the boys were actually pretty nice. they didn’t hesitate to push leo around though, and while that didn’t bother leo, it strangely made jason anxious. he was small under those big clothes. 

leo wears a dark hoodie over jeans, a lighter t-shirt peeking out from the bottom; that’s how he dressed ever since he discovered the “musical genuis” kendrick lamar, of whom he’s put on a pedestal since eighth grade. jason thought his music was alright, but he’s more of a classic rock guy, if anything at all.

speaking of his clothes, it was nearly ninety degrees, they had been playing for an hour, and leo still had yet to shed his layers. he looked bout’ ready to die of heat.

as if reading his mind, leo raised his arms. _“jason....”_ he phants, “it’s—so...fucking... _hot.”_

“are you cold?” he puts his hand on jason’s cheek, then groans. jason’s hand feels sweary on his face. “ _ugh_ , you’re hot and sweaty also. this sucks. you suck. jason you were supposed to be _cold_ so i don’t die.”

“you’re not gonna die—maybe just lose a couple braincells.”

“im already low on those!” leo jabs a finger on his bare chest, “if i die, im _so_ haunting your ass. all day, all night, baby.”

jason shakes his head. leo sticks his arm out, face prompt. “now, de-hoodie me.”

jason and leo spend a minute cackling as he tries to pry the hoodie over his arms, eventually getting it off, leo’s undershirt rising up in the process.

once it’s off, jason realizes they had a few spectators.

a few of the boys gave them some looks. the one from earlier, bandana-kid, looks to them, and then to piper.

_“ohhh,”_ he says, “i see how it is.” bandana wiggles his eyebrows. jason has a dumb look on his face.

“what?”

bandana laughs. “oh no, no, it’s _finee_ ,” hr gives jason a shark toothed grin, “just, a little fruity, aren’t ya?”

it finally clicked with jason what he was talking about and his face flames red. he can tell his eyes are yellow for embarrassed. 

piper laughs. jason sputters. “no—no! it’s not like that! me and leo—just, ew.”

beside him, leo sucks air between his teeth. “i don’t know jason, how could you not want all this?” leo laughs and gestures to himself, his eyes were dark blue with tiny swirls of black. 

and, that’s weird....why would his eyes be—

jason sputters and makes a couple wild hand gestures. his cheeks hurt from blushing.

bandana laughs it off. “i was just playing with you, man. no need to get so pressed.”

he goes back to playing ball. jason goes to where they threw their backpacks to the side and tucks leo’s hoodie away, folding it in the backpack neatly.

he was....just kidding? yeah. just kidding. 

because jason doesn’t like leo like that. because.....y’know, he’s himself—and jason grace doesn’t like men.

relief washes over him.

a joke. that’s all.

* * *

jason liked history class.

it was probably his favorite class, but not because of the actual _subject_ , though he likes that a fair bit too—it’s because leo’s in that class.

....and piper. she’s there, too.

leo wasn’t much of an academic student.....to be honest, he wasn’t much of a _student_. he’s someone his father wouldn’t be proud of, that’s for sure. 

but, for some otherworldly reason, he decided to take AP world history with jason. and then because of that, piper took it too.

jason’s not quite sure why he took it. AP classes are extra difficult—and leo usually does not partake in anything with the word “ _difficult”._

_maybe_ , jason thinks, _he wanted to spend more time with_ _piper. _

.....piper, who  currently, was facedown in a puddle of her own spit. 

somewhere in the time that their teacher had been droning on about the cold war, she had fallen asleep. unfortunetly, she had done this with her mouth more open than their english teacher’s vagina last year when her water broke in class. 

leo prodded her shoulder with a pencil. the eraser looks slightly chewed. “ _dude_ , i think she’s out cold.”

“should we wake her up?” jason grimaces. “she’s kinda....forming the great lakes over there.”

leo snickers. his nose doesn’t scrunch up when he laughs, but his cheeks raise and his eyes squint. usually, he holds a hand over his mouth too. 

leo has a contagious laugh, always has. jason, though _expertly_ trained, stifled a chortle or two. 

“damn. i didn’t know she could drool this much. _how much water does she drink?”_ leo pushes back a curl from his face, a sharp grin spreading across his lips. uh oh.

digging a sharpie out of jason’s bag, because _god forbid he use his own,_ leo gets to work.

he draws a line around the puddle of drool, before beginning on a series of small trees and a house around it. now it _really_ looks like a lake.

lips curling up, jason makes a face of disgust. “you’re weird.”

“you’re weird- _er.”_

“not true.” jason snatches his sharpie back. “also, if i was, you wouldn’t be able to stand me.”

“i don’t know jase, you once told me you used to eat raw bacon as a kid. that’s pretty weird.”  leo argues.

their teacher shoots them a warning look. they may sit in the back, but he’s not oblivious to their shenanigans. they both shut up and set their heads straight.

jason’s _trying_ to pay attention to the cold war when leo speaks out of nowhere.

“jason?”

“yeah?”

leo’s eyes are gray (they always have been though, right?). he pauses. “would you still be friends with me if it weren’t for piper?”

jason’s startled. where had this come from? he thought he made it pretty clear that it was jason, piper _and_ leo. it’s always been.

“of course. i love you both, why?”

leo wrinkles his nose. “ugh, don’t say _love_. that’s not metal at all. i was just wondering.....if she wasn’t over there making _lake de piper_ would you still sit with me and stuff....”

“obviously, idiot. now stop talking and pay attention.” jason pauses, thinking on something. “wait, do you even know anything about the cold war?”

“uhhhh, it took place in the winter time? it was, uh.....what’s the right word....”

“unbelievable.”

someone in front of them shushes them and they both shut up. the lights flicker overhead and jason briefly glances up. the school should just fix those damn things already.....

“jason?” leo whispers.

“yeah?”

“lake de piper is starting to become, uh— _the piper sea.”_

oh shit.  leo’s right; piper’s puddle of drool had outgrown it’s sharpie lines, and now trails of purple ink were mixing in with the spit. it was extremely gross looking, and was about to flood the forest of sharpie-trees leo had drawn.

they exchange a look.

“piper.” leo nudges her shoulder. she does not move. 

he resorts to whisper shouts. “piper-!”

“piper!” jason joins.

“piper!”

“piper!”

* * *

_PRESENT DAY:_

“piper.” leo poked her stomach. she did not respond. _“piperrrr.”_

again, she stayed perfectly asleep. theres a trail of dried drool on her pillow, he notices. leo pursues his lips before tip-toe-ing to the kitchen and grabbing a cup of water, returning to her bedroom.he held the cup poised over her face, the angle threatening to spill it’s contents. leo decides this is a bad idea.

so naturally, he does it anyways.

_ “ _ AGHHH _ —leo!”  _

piper frantically wipes the water from her eyes as she jolts up; she does not have a shirt on, and so she crosses her arms over her chest, though doesn’t look any more concerned about it than that. which is normal—they’ve both seen each other naked so many times he’s desensitized to it at this point, and leo knows she sleeps with only her underwear on.

he steps back and clutches the cup, waiting.

piper looked crazed, her eyes screamed bloody murder and her hair was frizzed up from her head. she never was a morning person, not involuntarily, anyways.

“i swear to _fuck_ leo, i will detach the limbs from your _scrawny little toothpick body_ and commit _unthinkable hate crimes with them—“_

yeah, leo would say she was a bit miffed. 

but then, she notices the way leo’s form was a bit closed in on itself, and his hands were shaking, and the way that if he tilted his head in the light _just right_ faint tear tracks under his eyes could be seen, glimmering remnants of the past. she stops, and she clamps her mouth shut, before she opens it again.

“what happened?”

and, through a sleepless night, leo had gone over the pros and cons of telling piper what happened. 

pros: 

1\. leo isn’t alone in his feelings.

2\. he can get help, maybe.

3\. just, _piper._

cons:

  1. leo isn’t alone in his feelings (and yeah, that definetly doubled as a con)
  2. she might be mad at him



3\. three....he can go back to normal if he doesnt tell her. if he does, he cant. 

and yeah, he decided to tell her. that didn’t make _actually telling her_ much easier, though.

“i....i....” 

leo looked down at his cup. it was a shitty plastic cup, with the little lego ninjas from _ninjago_ printed on it.

piper got out of her bed and searched through her creaky dresser, pulling out small tight black shorts and a big gray tye-dye shirt. she pulled the clothes on and lead him outside, roping him onto their couch. 

leo stared at the couch. she was sitting right where he was....just hours ago....

“leo, what happened?” 

this isn’t a good idea. leo feels something rise in his throat, though he hadn’t eaten anything. _this isn’t a good idea._ “piper....you like jason, right? you want to....date him?”

he tapped his fingers on the couch. she bit her lip. “....why are you asking me that?”

“just answer.”

“yes—maybe?” piper looks guilty, she crosses her arms. “to be honest, i don’t know. because....you, liked him. and so it would be weird if _i_ liked him. i _can’t_ like him. but....” she bites her lip, “...i kinda do.”

he figured as much. 

leo’s fingers tightened their grip on the couch fabric. “okay. it’s um, it’s nothing then.”

he attempts to get up, go the kitchen, leave, _something_ —but piper grabs his arm. 

“hey, leo, _hey_ , tell me what this is about. i....” and oh god, piper’s eyes start to glisten, her eyes glowed a faded turquoise, like a cloudy chalcedony. and fuck, why does it pain him to see her eyes _so_ _sad?_

_“what happened?”_

leo curls up, tucking his arms around his legs, as if he could make himself disappear if he tried hard enough. “....jason, was here last night. and he....i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to, i swear. i _swear—“_

“what did jason do?”

“he—he told me he liked me.”

there was a second where, leo wasn’t sure what emotion piper was feeling at all. it was just blank, like a empty sheet of paper or a window to a room you couldn’t see into. it was....disturbing. but then, like jason had declared the first act of war, her eyes lit up in a flamed, angry red.

“he did _what?”_

and so leo told her, told her everything that jason had said last night, and how leo made him leave. 

piper was incredulous.

“no! _no_ —he does not get to do that to you!” she started angrily pacing their living room, making all her old hand gestures, clapping her hands and waving her fist, her deadly hip sway even making an appearance. 

“this is not what i brought him here to do—we were supposed to all be _friends_ again! friends....i can’t believe him. he can’t—he can’t do that! no, jason can’t just juggle our feelings like that. you know what, he doesn’t get either one of us!” she waved her finger.

piper went into a rant, like she used to so in highschool. back then, it was her humble preamble before she used to beat someone’s ass. leo knows—he used to do the same thing. it brings a smile to his face.

he gives piper a weak smile. “what are we gonna do? give him a black eye? it’s _jason_. plus, i think we lost all our cred years ago, pipes.”

excitement flares in piper’s irises at leo’s rising mood, she grinned at him.

“we can earn it back. wanna bet? honestly i would love too—remember when you slashed dylan’s tires in junior year?”

he smiles again, leo does remember. 

“we can be like that again.” piper says, nodding vigorously with her words, “me and you, kicking ass. come on, what do you say?”

leo falters, then shakes his head. “no, piper, we cant. were not highschoolers anymore—and, it’s jason.”

and god, its _jason_. jason, after all these years, liked leo? _like-liked?_ it felt too much like a cruel joke—it hurt too much.

he puts his head down on his knees, and while not a tear leaves his eye, it’s shown in his irises. piper’s fired-up expression falls, and she hurries to him, not hugging him, but just....curling her body around his. 

and while she fiddled with a piece of his hair, and whispered to him little reassurances, that _it was alright_ , leo couldnt help but think it wasn’t. and....

he’s just tired. of all of it. 

* * *

in the beginning of summer, jason had been more of an after thought.

leo could see him, and not immediately think about his rejection, of how pretty his blue eyes looked in the sun, of how much he wanted jason to love him back. it was, as said, an after thought.

or, one could say, it was more like, _‘hey, is he wearing new shoes?’_ before the whole _‘ohmygod please let me kiss you on the mouth’._

now though, in the last weeks of summer, he hung over _everything_. like a black cloud. leo couldn’t even do the _dishes_ without thinking about how the man’s face looked that night, all scrunched up like a kid, desperate and confused, the way his hands pressed so tightly into leo—like jason was checking to make sure if he was real—that leo can almost still feel his fingertips on his back....

it made him think....just....what if jason has come to that realization earlier? what if, jason had kissed him back on that rooftop all those years ago? 

_....what if...? _

and to think, he was just starting to get over him.

....god, he really is that pathetic, isn’t he?

“aye, _earth to leo,_ quit zoning and help me pick out one of these.”

leo’s attention zapped back to annabeth, who was staring all too critically at a shelf of records. 

they were new, and organized by genre, she picked one up; “do you think he would like this one?”

she was holding up _The Jimi Hendrix Experience._ leo shrugged. “i dunno what kinds of music he likes.”

annabeth rolls her eyes at him but places the record in her basket, going back to analyzing the record shelf. 

she was shopping for nico, as it was his birthday next week. leo had already picked out his gift—he thinks nico will appreciate his deluxe version of katy perry’s _Teenage Dream_ on vinyl _very much,_ thank you. 

leo wandered to the front of the store, eyeing a lollipop dish by the cashier. just as he was deciding between mystery and good ol’ reliable blue raspberry, a girl popped up from behind the counter, causing the boy to jump.

she wore no work uniform, but had a pin clipped on to her band t-shirt that read _“CALYPSO”—_ she worked here. her hair was honey colored, and it reached just a bit below her shoulders. leo figures she was very pretty, with her soft features and green almond eyes. 

“watcha’ doin’?”

leo set her with a look, his tone level. “taking a lolipop,” he challenged.

“from _my_ lolipop dish? i don’t think so,” —she fixed him with an evenly challenging smile, tilting her head—“not without complying to the special instructions.”

narrowing his eyes at her, leo popped a blue raspberry lollipop in his mouth indignantly, before looking down to read the so called _“special instructions.”_

_ WARNING:_

_taking from this dish subjects you to the mystifying powers of the great calypso and/or rachel dare, eat at your own risk!! _

the lolipop didn’t taste so sweet, all of the sudden.

“what kinda trickass shit is this?” leo pulled the lollipop from his mouth. calypso smiled.

“it’s just a thing me and my coworker do to pass the time. so, if i may have a name, i will perform my life-guessing voodoo magic on you.”

leo raised a brow at her. this chic can’t be serious. “leo. valdez.”

“okay leo,” calypso said, “give me your hand and let me try and _guessss your troublesss.”_

she wavered her voice and waggled her fingers at the end, possibly trying to sound like a ghost from scooby-doo.

he slapped a hand in hers and gave her a look that said, _‘go ahead’._

calypso closed her eyes, leo noticed then that she had light eye makeup on, and eyeliner. she felt around his hands. it was a weird sensation—he can only describe it as the feeling you get when a nail tech starts massaging your feet—which he only knows because piper took him to get a pedicure once, _okay?_ don’t. judge. him. 

leo’s glad her eyes are closed, he wouldn’t know where to look.

after a minute or two, she snapped her eyes back open and tossed his hand back like he was chopped liver, leo flinched back a little. 

calypso leaned over and rested her face on her hands. “i’m guessing you’ve had a hard life. a hard time....maybe, adjusting? you’re trying to find new ways go live, and its hard.”

leo nods, bored. this psychic isn’t that good.

“and.....you’ve had trouble with love. a lot of it? you feel....what’s the word for it? ...—tragic. sorry if that’s offensive.” she adds the last part quickly, in response to the face leo makes.

“that could be said about anyone,” leo scoffs, “so far, this ain’t worth no lollipop, chica.”

she gives him a look of hard determination, eyes scanning his a face in a way that was similar to annabeth, but....different. annabeth searches for tells, calypso was just searching for a _feeling._

_“oh yeah?_ well, from what _i can tell...._ it’s probably because the person you liked didn’t like you back, and they were close. you....feel like you ruined it. and.... _hmm_ , who’s that girl back there?”

“annabeth,” he said. “a friend of mine. we're here looking for a present for another friend of ours, why?”

she didn’t answer this, just nods her head. “got it, its not her....” 

calypso pauses for a moment, tilting her head at him with mild suspicion. “....are you gay?”

leo chokes on his lollipop and makes a hacking noise before getting his lungs under control, wiping his lips, and letting out a stuttered, _“no.”_

slowly, she gives him a cheshire grin, lifting her face off of her hands. “you _are_ , aren’t you? and i bet the person you liked was some guy— _goddamn im good.”_

leo leans over the counter. _“now listen here you bruja mentirosa—“_

“leo, why are you harrassing that girl? c’mon we gotta go, im starving and we have to be back by three.” annabeth gestured to the store exit.

leo narrowed his eyes at the girl and made an _‘i see you’_ gesture with his hands, letting her know that this. is. not. over.

* * *

school had always been a sore subject for leo

he was never particularly good at it, in fact he payed attention in class _so seldom_ as a child the teachers told his mother to get him screened for autism, which she did, but the results were negatory—kinda. besides his crippling adhd, that is.

and then, after years of moving from home to home, eventually settling to one area, he missed a lot of school. it was embarrassing—to be in a classroom where he doesn’t know basic information everybody else knows—but he was used to it, at least. 

so....as time passed....leo just, stopped caring.

about school. grades didn’t really matter to him, and any class he didn’t cut he put no extra effort to pay attention.  he used to be so mad at the whole school system—which was part of the reason he stuck to the rooftops—that his grades at the end of the year were....not ideal. 

yeah, “ _not ideal”—_ let’s describe them as that.

....his gpa was enough to make a straight-A student scream. and maybe, pass out.

leo thinks he finished the year with a gpa of....2.5? _2.3?_ somewhere along those lines. it was passing, but _just_ barely.....

this fact, is going to make it _exceptionally_ more difficult to apply to college.

“leo, i _need_ your birth certificate. do you _seriously_ not have a copy?”

leo scrunched his face up. “wait— _you’re actually supposed to have seen those?_ i thought that was only in TV.”

piper smacked her forehead. “ _ugh_ —sometimes, _i swear to god_ , i forget why i’m friends with you. are you sure you’re not an illegal immigrant or something?”

leo sticks his tongue out at her. _“racist.”_

she fixes him with a stare. “you told me to, quote on quote, _‘go back to my reservation’_ last week. so don’t even _.”_

_“yeah,_ but that’s because you ate my leftovers.”

piper silences him with a finger as the holding music on her phone stops playing and a secretary of some sort greets her. 

leo huffs. is college really thisimportant? _education-edushmation_ —you can search it all up on google anyway. 

piper starts pacing with the phone. “ _hi_ —yes, i’m calling about an application we submitted that— _no_ , no it’s not _my_ application—what are you—i’ve been enrolled here _for two years—“_

he zones her out until leo’s phone dings and another drop of dread drips down from his existential faucet.

its from jason.

**jason:** Hey do you wanna come over some time? 

he leaves him on read. it only takes a few minutes before he was typing again.

**jason:** Okay sorry

**jason:** I want to talk. 

_ i dont wnt to talk  _

he watches as jason types something, then deletes it. then he types again, and deletes.

**jason:** But i just want to talkkk. Its been about a week, are you done ignoring me yet? 

**jason:** Come on leo we've known eachother for years. Its hurts me to see you do this.

**jason:** We could just meet for lunch or something

what would _piper_ do, what would piper _do,_ what _would_ piper do, wwpd, _wwpd...._

_ i said no _

_ maybe later _

**jason:** Okay. Ill text you later i guess.

leo glances up as piper frustratedly ends a phone call. she rubs her temple, giving leo’s phone a quick glance.

“who were you texting?”

leo bites his lip. “nobody.” 

piper doesn’t believe him, he can tell. she keeps to herself anyway.

“okay.” she says.

_ (okay....? okay.....) _

it’s a bit too early for this. the sun just peaked out from the horizon half an hour ago and the people living upstairs hadn’t gotten to stomping around yet.

“so,” piper started making coffee in a reusable bottle, “you ready to take the campus tour today? it’s _so_ much better when you know where you’re going, trust me. one time i ended up at a completely different college because i sat at the wrong bus stop.”

leo looked away from her. “piper, i don’t think i’m going.”

“on the tour?”

_no, to college—_ leo answered in his head.

he’s not ready yet. how do people get out of school and just decide to go _back_ to school? no, the world is _too_ big. much too big, and he is _much too small._

being smaller than the world is okay. being small makes you fit inside of it like a russian doll. but leo is no russian doll—he is _much_ too small. and when you’re _much_ too small, you don’t fit nicely, all you do is rattle and shake and quake in there like a single bead inside a maraca. it’s too much. he is too small to fit in the world. 

leo is not ready for college. or, at least, he doesn’t feel ready yet....

and somewhere in that world, jason is there. and he wants to talk to leo. 

only the lord can recall the exact shade of red in his eyes....leo’s never felt so shaken before. it was like something he believed in, something so centered in his core, that he knew was undoubtedly for a fact—was ripped from its roots.

“piper im—“ leo’s stomach is a washing machine and his guts feel like they’ve been turned on spincycle. “—i think i’m going to go back to bed.”

she gives him a pitiful look, her eyes turned up and cobalt blue. “okay, leo. whatever makes you happy.”

yeah. whatever makes him happy.

* * *

soulmates aren’t real.

or, that’s what they’ve all been taught since they were young. but everyone knows that government doesn’t _actually_ know for sure. soulmates are myths—just like ghosts.

_your eyes,_ they say, _are the windows to your love._ use them like a magnifying glass. and then, in a way, when both of your eyes show love at the same time and you look into their eyes—they are your soulmate. 

and sometimes, people love each other so much they disappear and never come back.

he just doesn’t understand.

love is so fickle. is it pleasure, or pain? 

war, or peace? 

spirutual, or chemically-induced?

no one really knows. leo cant decide if he’d be better off if he did. 

....he doesn’t need a soulmate, leo just needs to feel the rain on his back and the sun on his face and the ground beneath his feet. he needs to _feel._ that’s all. 

........

..

....then why is it so hard to get out of bed?

leo pulls the sheets up higher against his body. 

it’s one o’clock already, and he has yet to make a move for the door. 

if he tries really hard, he can convince himself that the world beyond his twin-sized bed and bedroom walls doesn’t exist. 

you can’t pretend forever. (he wishes you could)

* * *

leo finds himself at calypso’s music shop.

it was a semi-conscious decision, because he keot telling himself he was there to buy music, but leo had no interest in CD’s or records, which just leaves one reason.....

at first, he thinks she’s not working this shift. leo’s heart felt soggy with disappointment, but then out she walks from her break room, a cheery ponytail flouncing after her. 

calypso’s eyes are a light green, desaturated and yellowish. it’s a pretty resting color for her.

she does a double take at him. “—oh. hey, it’s _you_ again.”

“yeah, it’s me.” leo shifts his feet awkwardly, “can i, uh, hang here for awhile?”

calypso’s eye’s narrow at him, veering on yellow suspicion. “....sure. it’s been a slow day, but you’re not planning to....crash here or something, right?”

“ugh—you think i’m a bum?” he accused.

“i _think_ you asked me an unusual question since i’ve only met you once and you have the same sense of style as homeless-man-lenny who lives under the underpass.”

_“hey_ —i’ve met homeless man lenny, he’s a cool dude mind you!”

she shrugs and pushes forward the candy bowl. it’s full of jolly ranchers this time.

leo eyes it suspiciously. “no tricks?”

“no tricks.” she confirmed.

leo stares for a minute and calypso gets the message. she pats the side counter, tucked away slightly from the check out.

“you can sit here if you’d like.”

he takes her offer and sits atop the beige vinyl counter. he can swing his feet from this height. 

leo takes a breath and reluctantly spoke. his mind hadn’t decided if this was a bad idea yet. “so....would you mind giving me some, uh, _advice?”_

the girl in front of him brightens, like she’d been waiting for leo to say _exactly_ that. she hops onto the counter next to him, turning in his direction with an almost smug look on her face. “of course! that’s what a psychic in training _loves_ to hear, it’s like telling a hair dresser they can have artistic freedom.”

the last time leo told a barber they could have _“artistic freedom”_ he’d come put with a total hack job that looked a few cuts away from a bushier version of a mullet, but he nods anyway.

“...it’s about that person you guessed about last time.”

he tells calypso about jason. all his quirks and the idiotic things he’s done, the longevity they’ve known each other, their kiss on the rooftop, his relationship with piper—all of it. 

it felt more like a conversation between someone he’s known for years, not some freaky magic lady he met once in the endeavors of a lollipop. 

calypso also smelled like the most thrilling combination of eucalyptus and spearmint, which shouldn’t be notable, but somehow it was, based on how it seemed to entrance leo. 

she seemed to....get it—in a way that piper or annabeth or nico couldn’t; _an outsider’s perspective._

“wait, so like, he just showed up at your flat without reason?” calypso questioned.

leo felt odd, specifically like he was a middle-aged wife, bitching about his husband to his friends over wine, _right_ before he was about to kill him and inherrit all his money. _specifically_ that emotion. 

“yep,” leo waved his hand, “ and so, like, he fuckin’ came over to my apartment, pulling his sad puppy dog trick, and tried to tell me he _liked_ me. _like-liked.”_

calypso closed eyes and breathed deeply through her nose. _ “... what?!” _

_“yeah, i know right?!”_ leo exclaimed. “it was weird—he was like, _‘im confused’_ or whatever, and then he hugged me, and....it was just _so_ fucking weird.”

calypso looked incredulous and enthralled at the same time, like leo was some teledrama on TV. “oh no he _didn’t.”_

leo smiles weakly. “that’s what piper said.”

she’s quiet for a moment, before, carefully, she takes his hand. 

leo shouldn’t be so surprised at this gesture, calypso _is_ one of those touchy-feely people after all, but it felt like it held sentiment. 

the conversation had suddenly taken on a more somber note. leo doesn’t know how to fix it.

looking up at the ceiling, he avoids calypso’s eyes. “....what do i do? ...i...i love jason, always will, but not like before....it doesn’t feel right. but i should accept him, right? cause that’s what i wanted....”

calypso looks him in the eyes. her mouth utters the question he so much dreads.

“what _do_ you want?”

that’s not a simple question. he knows what jason wants for him, and piper....but what does _leo_ want?

it has to be something, just for himself, and nobody else: what does leo _want?_

“i don’t know,” he sighed, “i dont think i’ve ever known.”

that realization came to him just then; a flaw. like, leo was made without a purpose.

he didn’t want to discover new places, or cure diseases, or help people in need....he had no dreams of changing the world, much less the cage he’s placed in. 

leo was just....meaningless. 

_so_ meaningless.....

calypso pulls up her hair, scrunching it at the base of her ponytail to tighten it, eyeing a customer who just walked in. 

“well, i’d say follow your heart.” she said. “find what makes you happy—and chase it.”

the advice is simple. leo wishes it were that easy, but the answer seems like it should be more complicated than that.

leo nods at her and hops off the counter. he almost leaves before calypso stops him and scribbles out her number on a strip of paper to take with him.

* * *

leo’s heart did not say talk to jason. but leo’s mind did.

it said that the longer he waits the worse it will be, and that honestly, he was being kind of a dick.

so, he asks to go to jason’s house.

yep, _jason’s house,_ which he later finds out is _not a house,_ but a dorm. a sad, _sad_ , tiny college dorm, which jason really should have moved out of in his freshman year.

the walls are a nice shade of depression-beige, marked with scuffs, stains, and one upside down framed picture of gibby from icarly (he doesn’t ask).

jason lives in one of four rooms; the confines are small and barely holds a twin size bed (of which leo laughs at because jason’s feet absolutely hang over the edge), his books, and a small goldfish tank.

and _oh my god,_ does this not make leo feel 100% more confident about himself. seriously, to know that the all mighty, _oh so suave,_ jason lives in a shitty fourth-floor college dorm? _with goldfishes he occasionally talks to?_ that is top tier bullying material. 

there’s a few cases of beer resting on the floor, because jason had turned twenty one a _while_ back, and leo helps himself.

“aren’t you underage?” jason throws around.

leo rolls his eyes. “so?” he pops open the bottle. “ _oooo_ , what a rebellious little _scamp_ i am, for drinking before the holy of age of twenty one,” he acts scared, _“oh no_ , don’t _report me_ jason, _whatever will i dooo_?”

he feels a bit of accomplishment over the way jason smiles.

they sit on the couch together, just like last time, only it’s a different couch with different stains that leo is mildly suspicious of. 

“so, i’ll listen to whatever you have to say now i guess....no questions.” he promises. 

jason nodded. “okay.” 

he swallowed, and looked around uncertainly.  “i’m sorry for how i’ve been acting lately.”

and wow. okay wow. leo was not expecting that? okay....

“i....have been really unfair to you, and i shouldn’t have come onto to you that one night....but i meant what i said. about liking you.” he scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “ it’s not been an easy thing, y’know....”

jason eyes widen with panic and he backtracks. “not that it’s your fault of course! i just, uh, god. i hate doing this.”

rolling his eyes, leo sips his beer. “i know, i know. you’d rather pretend your feelings dont exist than deal with them. im pretty sure everyone does that. totally normal.”

leo had a therapist for a few months. she had told him that that was in fact, not normal, at all. then, she tried to get him to sift through his apparent ‘trust issues’. he cancelled his appointments soon after. 

“so what do you....think you are?” he asks. 

“i thought we said no questions!”

leo raised his hands. “okay _sorry_. but, like.....”

jason sighed into his hands and ran a hair through his short hair. leo wants to reach over there and....do _something_ , to comfort him. he doesn’t. 

“i was thinking....that you’re the only exception.” jason sighs, glancing up at leo. “ but no homo.”

“what part of that was no homo—“

“what do you think _you_ are?” jason retorted. 

leo shifted. this is something he preferred not to think about. really ever, preferably. 

“i don’t know, i don’t really like labels. thinking isn’t my thing, y’know? i just act. no time to think about labels. why do we need them anyway?”

“so our lives aren’t a mess.” jason says, _like the responsible person he is._ god. it makes leo sick. “ are you gay?”

“no—i’m not gay....i thought about bi for a while.”

“bisexual then.”

“i don’t really like that one either.”

jason waves his hands. “fine. i just....can we go back to being friends now? please? i mean, now that we’ve had _that_ awkward talk....”

warmness. a small spot of warmness growing in his stomach and his cheeks. leo doesn’t know what’s happening to him. why....does he feel like this? the boy bites his lip. 

“i’d like that.” 

jason smiled at him, big and kind and _warm_ , his eyes wrinkling at the corners, and that makes it _so much worse._

“great. i, uh, i like it too.”

later, piper scolded him for not making jason figure out his emotions right then and there. 

leo realizes he never found out jason’s intentions. 

he feels like an idiot. he also feels like he’s burning, on top of the world. 

* * *

the days usually fly by, like a clock going unwatched, leo would blink and the sun would set—but today happened to be an exception.

time was moving slow as molasses, piper was gone, and leo was bored. horribly bored. _bored out of my gourd,_ as some southerners would say. (they do have some weird sayings....)

he texted piper for something to do; she said do the laundry. leo took one look at the monstrous clothes pile in their living room and asked her for another task.

she told him off and suggested that his lazyass go pick up groceries—the almost empty jar of instant coffee and the three moldy oranges they had in the fridge seemed to agree with her.

but leo agreed to do the shopping for another reason, and that reason was tang. 

_tang:_ a grossly delicious, nostalgic, sour artificial orange flavored drink powder that leo’s _sure_ would fix all his problems. tang could elevate his mindset, cure cancer, _make him astral project._

so, he’s walking down the sidewalk, too-small slides slapping the cement with each step. the air was starting to cool a bit, signaling the last bit of summer. he sets course for the grocery store.

he does not find tang.

instead, on his _way_ to tang, leo gets distracted by what looks to be a sudden pop-up event down the block by the community college.

the street is filled with white tents and fold-up tables, people are talking merrily and being handed neatly folded phamplets, there’s a food truck—and leo thinks to himself— _fuck tang._

encapsulated and in desperate need of something to do, he stumbles his way into the event and a phamplet is thrust into his hands. he glances at the title.

_ YOUR LIFE AT: STONEBROOKE UNIVERSITY _

leo groans. it’s a college thing, _of course it would be a college thing._

he flips the phamplet open anyway. 

inside, between the hellslides of information packed on the tiny paper, pictures of smiling students had been frugally added, like the marshmallows inside of a lucky charms box. 

for some reason, leo reads it anyway. 

_and_ goes to the booths.

_and_ talks to the volunteer students.

and....he supposes it’s not too bad.

college looked kinda....fun. and _fuck,_ the party stories the students have told him were enough to make him want to go. but, leo would just flunk out, wouldn’t he? college is a waste of money....

leo crumples up the phamplet and shoves it into his jacket pocket. he leaves the orientation, and sets course for the thing he set out to get in the first place; tang.

* * *

annabeth was kind of like the ‘ _wine-mom-friend’._

you wouldn’t expect her to be. her presence puts everyone on edge, so tactical it’s hard to imagine her doing something fun, much less _drinking_.

_but_ , looks are deceiving. the proof of it was annabeth, sitting in front of him swirling a glass of red wine in hand, like every saturday.

hazel sat next to her, and leo sat across from them, coddling his drink in his lap.

he remembers when he had just started going to their weekly ‘drink and bitch’ nights, right before summer began, and how he _begged_ to never go again. 

now, it was almost over, and leo finds that he almost enjoys the whole thing. (don’t let the ‘almost’ fool you—leo likes hanging out with hazel and annabeth, but hates to admit it.)

“—so yeah, that’s the next project i’m working on. i mean, it would go a lot faster if my coworkers weren’t _complete fucking morons,”_ annabeth snorts, “but oh well, what can you do.”

hazel sighs around her glass. “how _do_ you get so many promotions so fast? your coworkers are all, like, forty.”

it’s true. annabeth climbs the corporate ladder so quick it gives her coworkers whiplash. (leo thinks he may have gotten, like, _one_ promotion. in his life.)

shrugging, annabeth twirls her wine. “i just work hard. but, i don’t want to talk about me, it’s so boring,” she turns to face leo, who had been quietly fiddling with the hair band around his wrist and occasionally sipping his drink. “what’s up with you leo? talk to jason yet?”

leo doesn’t take his eyes off the hair-tie he keeps twisting and untwisting into little bows. “i did, matter of fact. we’re cool now, i think.”

“nice.” she hummed, glancing to hazel.

looking over the rim of the glass, hazel eyes him cautiously. “....didn’t you guys have a falling apart, though? piper mentioned some drama, but she didn’t say what....”

christ. leo draws his brows.  “there was some. it’s between me and jason though.” 

“besides—“ leo snaps the hair-tie back on his wrist with the others and shoves his hands in his pocket, pausing when his hand comes across something of paper, and forgets what he was about to say. he pulls it out. 

unfolding it slightly, leo recognizes it as the college phamplet from a last week. blood rushes to his face.

hazel snatches it from his hands before he could shove it away. 

“what’s this?” she unfolds the paper and reads the headline hungrily, eyes widening.

“is this a—“

_ “no!”  _ he retorted. 

“what is it—?“ annabeth snatches the paper from hazel, “— _oh my god_ , you didn’t tell me you were going to _college_! what are you majoring?”

leo sighs into his hands, not daring to peek out. he knew this would happen if _she_ found out about it. _good-bye, peaceful, relaxing night—_ and hello _annabeth_. 

“it’s just a thought.”

“but you should totally go.” the blonde insisted. “you’re smart leo, even if you don’t realize it. plus, it’s nothing like highschool. college is fun.”

he groans weakly. “that’s what i’m _worried_ about.”

annabeth’s eyes grew sea green with confusion. 

“....why?”

“ _because_ —because they’res not gonna be anyone there to tell me to do work. it’s not enforced. s-so if i _go in there_ , and suddenly _not want to do my work,_ i’ll flunk outta all my classes. it’s a waste of money. i’ll fail anyway.”

“oh c’mon, leo. you talk about it like it’s already happened.” she talks while reading the phamplet, “i think you’ll be good at it—i’ll help you keep a schedule.”

it will be better if he just agrees with her. leo nods and swallows glumly, trying to keep his fingers from snatching the crumpled phamplet  away and pretending like this never happened. 

“okay.” he relents. 

leo did himself a favor that night and poured himself another, full, glass of wine.

* * *

“piper?”

“yeah?”

the words were on the tip of his tongue, but they wouldn’t quite come off yet. stuck like glue.

leo swallowed his original thought. “....uhm, pass me the eggs.”

“sure.”

piper mocked throwing him an egg, face lighting up into an evil grin when he finches back to catch it. she cackles to herself and goes back to stirring her own bowl, like some deranged baking witch. leo hopes she grows a crooked nose and a big green mole on her chin too.

making brownies was tradition in the valdez-mcclean household. ( _no_ , not that kind of brownie. though they liked those too)

it was tradition. or at least, they _wanted_ it to be. 

piper and leo, admittedly, don’t have a high streak in keeping up their weekly baking sesh, seeing as both are usually unable to find the willpower to even crawl out from the covers on the weekends.

(those weekend thoughts went a little like this: good bed.  _ warm _ bed....floor? no. floor  _ cold. _floor  _ bad _ ....)

nevertheless, they had found the time and will to make them this weekend, and leo supposes that’s worth some merit. (pity merit, even.)

leo hops onto the counter, crossing his legs, and let piper do all the hard work with stirring the batter. 

the faux marble was cold through his sweatpants, soft music played through a portable speaker propped up on the breakfast table, and the kitchen smelled like rich chocolate plus the faint but present smell of pot from piper’s bong. 

the girl ties up her hair loosely with a black scrunchie, a little too late in terms of baking, but she did it regardless—again, _pity merit._

piper glanced at him, caution treading her eyes. 

“leo i need to tell you something.” piper says tersely, stirring the bowl.

“me too.” he replies.

college. he needs to tell piper about college.

piper glances back down at the bowl again. leo clears his throat.

“i don’t like jason anymore—“

“—i want to go to college.”

they say both things at the same time, though leo thought piper’s seemed more important. 

_much more important._

leo gulped, hard and heavy, like a toad was going down his throat. “uhm, yep, you go first.”

piper takes a deep breath and flashes him a smile. “i’m not pursuing a relationship with jason anymore. and before you go on thinking it’a your fault or some bullshit—don’t give me that look you know you do that—it’s my own decision. i think....we were just better off as friends.”

“so....that’s it? no more jason?”

“for me at least.” she sighs. “i don’t care what _you_ do with him.”

her tone was too careless for leo’s liking. piper’s eyes were that cloudy, unsure blue-green color again. sad. 

leo’s hands look for something to fidget with, and he settles on twisting his fingers. “you say that like you don’t want him around _at all_ anymore....”

piper sighs, stopping her mixing. “it’s not that. i love jason, always will, but, we’re just friends. and, shit. i was just trying to say that i wouldn’t mind if you....y’know....dated him. or something.”

he has to stop himself from spitting up his usual word vomit, denying everything. instead, the boy just shrugs—albeit a little uncomfortably. 

“or something.” he grumbles. 

swirling a finger into the batter, piper tastes the brownie mixture and leans against the counter, looking at leo with mischief.

“now that _my_ thing is out of the way,” she smirks, eyes narrowing, “what was this ‘wanting to go to college’ thing you were saying?” 

* * *

it’s leo’s birthday already.

it’s not like it really _mattered_ , but it’s his twenty-first, and he supposes that’s an important day of celebration. y’know, legal drinking age and all. (not like that’s ever stopped him before)

he thinks it’ll be like every other year. 

leo will come home, and piper will have taken the day off, waiting for him in her sweats and sports bra with a movie like Kill Bill already queued up, and a container of cookie dough ready for its ultimate demise on their coffee table.

he can imagine in his head ‘The Candle’ they reuse for these occasions; one thick white stick of wax that’s been stuck and lit in places _he doesn’t want to think about._

so, when leo cracks open their old apartment door, green paint chipping as always, he nearly fell on his ass when an overwhelmingshout of _“SURPRISE!”_ greeted him.

people lept out of places he didn’t think _possible_ , piper leading the party by jumping out from behind the counter.

she had the dumbest confetti headband on, tinsel spouting from the two little cones like extremely festive volcanos, and she grinned like the world depended on it.

“happy birthday shithead!”

leo was in shock.  not only was his heart going a million miles a minute, but he had dropped his keys on the floor too. jesus christ—is this what a heart attack feels like? 

when the initial shock wore off, and the threat of heart attacks waned, he was relieved to see that half the state was _not_ in their apartment like he’d imagined, just maybe around eleven or twelve of their closest friends.

jason was there, too.

he stood in the corner and raised his drink with a welcoming smile when he locked eyes with leo. leo wandered over to him, party hat now strapped to his head like he was a birthday-soldier, gung ho.

“happy twenty first.” jason said. “um, i mean, it’s not strippers like i’d promised, but, it’s something. hey, you could probably get a body shot off anna if you wanted.”

leo looks at him blankly for a second before his words really registered. 

(“ _.... but hey, on your eighteenth i promise i’ll find a way to sneak out so you can go see big stripper titties, if you want.”)_

“oh,” leo remember that promise from long ago, “ _oh.”_

he punches jason playfully on the shoulder, grinning up at him from under his shield of unruly brown curls. “i can’t believe you _remembered_ that! you little nerd—did you ever end up going?!”

jason’s cheeks tint pink and he clears his throat awkwardly. leo notices the battle his hand has from refraining to reach back and scratch his neck. “actually no, the one time i went to one they were, uhm, having a seniors night, so....”

leo almost spits out his drink.

after coughing the kool-aid-vodka mix from his lungs (well, it might as well have been _vodka with a little kool-aid_ at this point) leo gave jason his classic shark-like grin and poked him hard in the arm. 

“ _no wonder_ you look so war torn _._ pfft—oh my god, you had to see erotically saggy old people at that precious, impressionable age.” 

leo takes a swig of his drink. “it’s okay jace, we’ll just go for _your_ birthday.”

it takes a second to realize his slip up, and leo takes a long sip of his drink to prolong showing his face to jason. his cheeks burned.

leo suggested that they go for his birthday? his birthday, that’s nearly five months away? what was he thinking? christ. 

he just committed to staying friends with jason for _five more fucking months._ fuck, what if jason doesn’t want to? 

what if he doesn’t want to see leo? i mean, after what he said....

unaware of leo’s worry, jason laughs good naturedly and slimgs an arm around leo, bringing him in closer and stretching the elastic on his party hat to thwack him in the head. 

“i’d love too, sounds great.” leo’s heart surges with hope. “hey, maybe we can even get piper on the pole with us.” he laughed.

and, oh. of course it was like that. 

they were just messy words, from a messy night; they didn’t mean anything. nothing jason says means anything. 

of course he wants piper there. 

“....and then maybe just me and you could go get dinner afterword. y’know, like that lava cake from chili’s.....” jason trails, tensing up at leo’s side as his eye’s grow a rosy color.

leo’s breath catches. he down the rest of his kool-aid. 

“yeah, i’d like that. for your twenty second.” he says.

“for my twenty-second.” jason repeats.

the rest of the night goes without fail; leo gets thoroughly drunk off kool-aid, giggling over things the girls said and dancing around with jason and piper, arguing with the neighbors next door when they complained about the volume. 

he crashes on the couch at about two AM. jason stays with him, curled up by his side.

* * *

”we shouldn’t be doing this.”

“yeah, and? don’t tell me you’re _afraid_ all of the sudden.”

jason hangs his hand off the metal fence and observes it with a cocked brow, glancing around nervously every so often, afraid someone was going to catch them.

“leo,” he whined, “what if we get caught?”

leo rolled his eyes. “what are they gonna do? throw us in detention?”

and then, with a learned gracefulness, he wedged one foot high up on the fence and swung his legs over top, landing on the ground perfectly. 

(t o everyone else it may have been perfect, but really the impact sent shock up leo’s legs, stinging his nerves, and he bit his lip to stop it from showing. can’t have pesky pain receptors ruining his bad-assery)

and where leo went, jason followed; albeit a bit more clumsily. he plopped down from the fence beside them, and for a minute, they just observed the relic in front of them.

the highschool was just like they remembered it, spare a fresh coat of paint or two. it stood tall and proud, almost as if accepting them back into their halls. leo and jason had to do this now—the school is opening in a week—so this is their last chance.

leo grinned at jason, taking his hand into his own and stringing him along.  “come on.”

the two boys dashed through the halls, avoiding the occasional custodian, who probably saw them, but most decided to turn a blind eye. 

jason peeked at one of the custodians from behind the concrete stairwell. “woah—that was close. what do we say if they catch us?”

leo raised his hands, blinking innocently. “hey, _you’re_ the weird looking one, i can still pass as a student. my cover story is that _i_ was coming back from summer classes and _you_ kidnapped me.”

jason opened his mouth to object but leo whisked him away before he could talk and blow their cover.

he ran up the concrete stairs as fast as he could, bolting for the narrow hallway at the edge of the school, hopping over the little rusty rail that divided it from the roof like he’d done a million times. 

and now leo was in his element. the moon shined brightly down on them, not a cloud in the sky, a brisk breeze supplying him with what felt like all the oxygen in the world. 

he took a seat on the familiar, lump dark gray roof, letting the grit embed its way into his palms like it used to. he might just kiss the place if jason weren’t behind him, watching.

they both lean against the radiator, enjoying the cold metal biting their backs and the cool breeze wafting through. leo shivers and jason quickly unties the hoodie he had wrapped around his waist, one he had brought for this very circumstance.

“here.” he draped it onto leo who started shrugging it on. it was cozy, and linty on the inside. he pulls the faded red hood over his head. 

“thanks.” he grumbled.

leo turned to catch jason smiling at him, and immediately blushed. he swatted jason’s arm. “what?”

“nothing. it’s just your eyes.” he said, unable to keep the corner of his lips from turning.

leo lifted his hand to touch his cheek. his eyes? oh....they must be orange. 

a surge of warmness fell upon him, cutring through the cold, like coming home after a long day, or a particularly cozy blanket. (or, red hoodie)

“they look fire.” jason mused . “it’s like, super bright orange. it’s really pretty, actually....not that you’re not mormally pretty—! i-i love your gray eyes, uhm—“

leo laughed at his flustering, poking his shoulder. “jason, it’s _fine_. god you just have a way with words don’t you? a natural born poet. a new age shakespeare.”

jason’s cheeks flamed red and he drew the strings on his hoodie to close himself up.

_ (“it’s, like, super bright orange.”) _

leo sighed. “hm. we should have brought piper.” 

she would have loved this. leo may have spent most time on the roof, but piper was a close second. 

“yeah,” jason hummed, “but i’d rather be alone with you instead”—he smirked at leo—“she’ll just have to wait until winter break.”

leo blew the air from his nose. 

....where does he go from here?

driving to the school had been their last ditch effort of entertainment, climbing to the roof because leo thought it’d be funny, but, it just reminded him of the way things used to be. 

he settled his weight against jason’s side. 

if he’d just kept up his little lie a little longer that year, none of this would have ever happened. 

but thinking about it, and thinking about the blond idiot beside him, leo’s not sure if he would change it if he could. 

leo forces himself not to frown. he doesn’t want to ruin the night, but.... ”jason, what are we?”

“huh?”

“like,” leo scoffed, frustration lining his voice. he gestures to jason. “what is _this?”_

shoving his hands into his hair, leo lets them rest there. leo thinks if he looks at jason he’ll be disappointed, so he keeps his eyes to himself.

jason sounds unsure. “we are....whatever you want to be? i came off a little strong to you before, but, i mean we both have feelings for eachother....but i’d understand if you don’t want to be together. i won’t date piper.”

“yeah but....wont it hurt piper if we date? it’s ruining us all—were supppsed to be, like, the golden trio. but were not. were _not_. we fell apart—and—god just what do we do?” 

leo chokes on his words, unwanted tears pricking his eyes, he refuses to let them fall. it’s weird, leo didn’t think he had any tears left in his body. 

“a-and i can stop being so sad all the time—i dont know how piper puts up with it—but it’ll bring you down. i don’t want to be just a phase for you. its not...i-its not fair for anyone to put up with me. and for a while i could blame it all on you, but, its not you. it _me_. it always has been. how do i fix me, jason? wha-what am i supposed to do?”

jason brings leo into his arms, a few silent tears sliding down his cheeks, because leo asks hard questions, and jason’s not sure if he can answer them. 

“leo?”

“mhm.” he sniffs.

all of the common sense jason had might as well have trickled out of his brain. “i’m going to try something.” 

and with that, jason made leo crumble. 

everything he labored _so hard_ to build gave way under the touch of jason’s hand against his cheek, and fell like a kingdom of sand,  when he pressed his lips to leo’s, making sure he would have nothing left of that wall. 

and it was soft, and warm, and jason’s mouth was overly minty as if he swallowed a factory’s worth of mouthwash to prepare for this exact moment.

it was, notably, a moment of recognition for the feelings jason hid. and a moment of security to leo that _he is not alone._

_for once, in his godforsaken life, he is not **alone.**_

in that moment, nothing is perfect about the way jason’s too-big glasses bump his cheek, or the way leo’s hand flutter up to awkwardly land on jason’s broad shoulders; it’s messy and rushed and so beautifully chaotic.

kaleidoscopes.

he could see the _colors_ of man in front of him, a kaleidoscope, like pointing a prism to the sun, all his emotions and thought raced across the back of leo’s eyelids, soothing his anger like a salve, diminishing them into nothing but two people clinging to each other for life.

_fucking finally,_ leo thinks.

he pulls back and rests his forehead against jason’s, not daring to open his eyes. 

his mouth opens and closes. something should be said, but he can’t find words. 

jason pulls away from his face and wets his lips, eyes pulsating with red like neon street signs, shimmering like dangerous broken glass found in back alleys. he laughs lowly to himself, sparing a desperate look at leo.

“did you feel something?” 

leo smiles at him, even though it hurt, because the irony was those exact words were the last thing he ever really said to jason all those years ago, it was their goodbye. in this exact spot. 

but leo doesn’t feel transported to the past, he feels very stuck in the present, and he’s glad for that. the hurt fades quickly, he’ll grasp on to the present for as long as he can.

grasping. he— _he needs to_ —leo shoves his head onto jason’s shoulder and nods, fingers grasping digging into his back in a way that will undoubtedly leave marks. he’s real he’s real he’s real _heisreal heisreal heisrealheisrealheisreal—_

if leo could live in that moment forever, god knows he would.

and sure, this might not last forever, it complicates nearly everything, and it may not be healthy for either of them, fuck, a relationship might not even be _possible—_

but he can see straight into the gulley of jason‘s heart, beating with life, feeling, _want._

and leo knows. he _knows_ it might not last forever, but it felt _so good_ , so _fucking_ good to finally be _wanted_ , and for now—

for now, with leo rooting his fingers into jason’s spine, hard stuck and vulnerable, and with jason finding a home between the crooks of leo’s ever bony shoulders, wild curls tickling his nose—they are soulmates. 

they are soulmates, for this short moment of time they have to cling to each other they are _soulmates_ , and fuck anyone who says they’re not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mhm. okay-
> 
> *jason’s texts* .....—CHILE THE GHETTOO !! THE GHETTOO ! AHHH!!!! GASLIGHTING👏 👏
> 
> btw, i dont know how the FUCK to use work skins, and so text messages will remain ugly and not cute until then. so like probably forever.
> 
> so yeah, they ended up together, but only sorta. 
> 
> last chapter, kudos and commnts appreciated as always <3

**Author's Note:**

> will most likey be posting chapter two tommorow, and three the day after that, so check back in! 
> 
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated 🖤🖤 (and wanted very, very bad)


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